The Gloves Are On

“We’re here to chill not spill“-Hannah those two things go hand-in-hand, m’dear!

Um Sara is at the spa chillin’, too!

How stupid is Hannah, she deleted the exact recordings that were necessary, now her mom might lose her job and the police are looking into this! Ahhhh! Hannah you are so dumb. For real.

Silver jag? Didn’t Mad Men teach us that Jaguars are shitty cars?

Wait Spencer suddenly has a desire to tell the truth?  ALL she has done for 4 years is LIEEEE and now suddenly she be like “nah i’m good, imma be unnecessarily honest, tnx”

“I know you like to shop out of other people’s carts….maybe you’re more comfortable with lying than you think”-MELISSAAAAAA IS BACK and Spencer just got rekt.

Spencer IS the worst and Melissa knows better than anyone how much Spencer likes other women’s men!

“Ezra there’s some horrifying images”-Aria on the contents of Ezra’s thumb drive. Um. What? Where is this going? Is Ezra a pedo now? How horrifying can the images be?!  ARIA YOU BETTER HAVE SCREENSHOTTED THAT SHIT!

“Ezra likes small women get a grip!“-So are we getting a clue as to those horrifying images….

This is what Aria found on Ezra’s thumbdrive:

“I think you need to relax”-Reporter says this to Spencer, truer words have never been spoken.

“I’ve heard of inner-circles but leaving your daughter out, that’s cold.”-This reporter is my favorite, after Queen Melissa of course!

WHA?! Emily spent ALL THE MONEY her dad left her!? And now Emily is donating her eggs!? SHIT IS HEAVY! Like this is legit stuff people consider when they go broke. Wow. I can’t decide if I am proud of the show for keeping this situation real or disappointed because my expectations are fantasy-level-unrealistic. What’s next, Emily finding out ways to refinance her leftover student loans? Signing up for obamacare?

Lucas is lying a lot for Hannah, despite his poor automotive choice he’s a good guy!

“Honest? You are not asking me to change your grade you are asking me to confess to murder.“-Ezra, changing grades isn’s exactly cool either, bro.

I love that when Ezra yells at the women who intruded into his home accusing him of murder, they act incredibly victimized and scared. Like really, what did y’all expect?

Wait but really, did Ezra just confess to killing Charles/Charlotte or is he saying he’s just happy that she’s dead??!

AHHHHH SPENCER AND CALEB?! NOOOOO! GROSS! NOOOOOO! WHY IS HE CARESSING HER!?!?! MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!

PLL: Charlotte’s Web

Whoa, why is everyone making Aria feel shitty about getting back to work?? Hannah needs to pull back the attitude!

Aria probably did something with Ezra and is trying to flee by making work an excuse.

WAIT EMILY’S DAD DIED!?!?! OH shit! I didn’t realize that! I am guessing it was referenced last episode with that military thing in their window but I did not know what that was.  God I thought previous episodes of this show were dark, but this season is real and dark.

Hannah’s man is British? Ohhhh intrigue! His accent is awful, is this actor american??

Update: He is not British! He’s Australian.

OH I was right, Aria DID sneak out to see Ezra! I knew it! I don’t know why I am so impressed with myself as though I solved the ending of True Detective Season 1, but I am proud of myself!

Did anyone cringe when Allison said grace at the table? Yikes, that was so awkward….

Ohhhhh what did Emily have an appointment for at Hollis? For her pill addiction? Fingers crosseed! The show’s creator said:

“It’s a big part of her storyline. What she’s hiding is definitely her biggest storyline of the season. It’s one big secret tied into two secrets. Two of her secrets are folding into the giant, bigger secret.”

Let me lay out the cards now, I think Emily has diabetes and is trying to hide it from her mom to protect her!

Did Caleb and Spencer hook up?? Or will they? OR BOTH!?

Shit y’all, Ezra is DARK. Between Ezra, Emily’s dad, Emily’s addiction/illness, Charlotte’s murder, and Sara this season is dark AF! What is happening? Do teen girls like this new season? I feel like it’s less relatable than prior seasons.

HANAH deleted evidence before hopping into bed with her Aussie-Not-British-Beau! I mean I guess it’s not evidence yet but it will be! That was cute when you were 17 Hannah, but you’re 22 now so you really, really need to think about the consequences of your actions (getting charged as an adult will suck a lot more than as a minor).

OMG MELISSA IS BACK NEXT EPISODE! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Melissa is my fav! Spencer is the worst and I cannot wait to have her back to give it to Spencer for totally boning (or trying to bone) Caleb!

 

PLL: Don’t Look Now

Wait MEGA PLOT HOLE FROM THE START- how did the DeLaurentis family moved here after Alli was one when Alli’s mom had an affair that created her older brother Jason??

“I noticed you’ve been taking pictures the last couple of days”–Chad Lowe, c’mon, you are NEVER HOME!

“When my mom said you could spend the night she meant sleep“–No, Hannah, you’ve met your mom. She meant you should do other things!

In Spencer’s flashback she’s clutching her body covered in blood–they were in the bunker for 3+ weeks, makes sense that they incorporate some reality into the show, menstrual cycles and all.

WAIT SPENCER IS STRAIGHT UP DUMPSTER DIVING.

For such a smart girl, Spencer is NOT practicing good dumpster diving hygiene!

OMG, wait the two people that could help (Allison’s great aunt and mom) are dead–SEANCE TIME!

Aria lying to her dad and feeling entitled to do so is SO FRUSTRATING–can she not imagine what he went through?! Her parents thought she was dead!!! DEAD! This is not the time to be angsty-teen!

Why are they cutting the scene with Chad scolding Aria, Toby scolding Hannah and Emily’s mom just chatting about weird-o Sara together as though they are all connected??!?!!

They straight up lied to Jason and told him he hallucinated his BROTHER! HIS BROTHER! THAT IS BAD PARENTING! NO WONDER HE WAS DOING DRUGS! HE HAD TO DROWN OUT THE MEMORIES!

Ohhhhh the editor got LAZY! Look at this poor photo-shopping of childhood Allison and Jason:

OMG I love this note Charlie left Aria: “You’re my doll, bitch”-it sounds endearing and kitschy! Like #bitcheslovedolls or something!

I knew producers would work Aria’s real-life-haircut into the storyline!

I love Emily’s 90’s grunge look! Look at her versus Rayanne from My So Called Life! Basically twins #blessed

What if the tombstone is a symbol and sure, it’s been there a long time, but THEY NEED TO DIG UP THE BODY to PROVE IT’S HIM!  Why are they stopping Hannah?  WE NEED DENTAL RECORDS!

Are Sara and Emily going to kiss?!

Did Hannah and Caleb just break up!? AHHHHHH! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

WAIT-Charlie was put in Radley because Alli’s negligent dad left her alone upstairs as an 11 month old while he went outside to grill. That;s what I heard.

PLL: Songs of Experience

Wait MEGA PLOT HOLE FROM THE START- how did the DeLaurentis family moved here after Alli was one when Alli’s mom had an affair that created her older brother Jason??

Has anyone else noticed that both Aria and Hannah got lobs this season? I wonder how production felt about that….remember Jessica Biel and the 7th Heaven haircut that production/writers had to turn into a storyline because it was so drastic? Or FELICITY? No? Oh that’s right, because you were born in 1996 unlike me….

EMILY HAS A BURNER PHONE!? What high school student on earth, particularly one whose parents BOTH work for the government (remember her mom works/ed for the police department) can afford to buy BURNERS?!

“Did you think I looked feral?” Sara asks Emily. LookED?! YOU LOOK FERAL!

Wait now Emily is making french toast for this new girl who has bunked with her against her will!

I love that the show is making a clear and concerted effort to make Ezra look younger! I wonder if this has anything to do with that time Lucy Hale went on TV saying the “Ezria” thing creeped her out….

  
“Unmess him up“? Really, Spencer? I bet if Hannah said that you’d admonish her!

Ezra is being SO CREEPY this episode! Now he’s impersonating a doctor?! He also asks the person on the phone for the person’s name, DOB, and SSN.  The fact that this EDUCATOR does not know that hospitals cannot just give out information of any patient

“Are those boys all from church?“–This quote. I will just let you laugh this one out.

Lorenzo is saying that Allison should be a soccer coach based on her passing a ball wearing a wedge??

Emily and her mom’s banter is making Sara jealous. If only Sara had seen them last episode fighting over Emily’s usage of firearms….

There’s some WEIRD sexual tension between Jason and Spencer…am I the only thing sensing this?!

WHO IS MISTER BISCUIT!?

ANDREW WAS RELEASED?! I’m sorry but the DA chose not to charge him because he had alibis for 2 of the DOZENS of incidents (including being at the scene when the girls were found, police tracing everything back to his truck, desire for getting the girls back in his manifesto, etc)?! THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE!

“Other towns have nice toxic dumps. Rosewood has you.”-Andrew what is a NICE toxic dump? Is this in contract to a BAD toxic dump?

“That’s what Charles wanted us to know–that there was a point where we would [hurt each other].“-Deep story, Spencer, but what does this mean for you guys? Will Charlies stop now because you came to that oh-so-wise conclusion? Prolly not, k?

Sara’s haircut is very Some Kind of Wonderful! I love it!

Spencer throwing her suffering in her concerned mother’s face is SO frustrating! Let’s put ourselves in her mother’s shoes: Her daughter said she would go to school and you find out she skipped, was gone all night and her alleged kidnapper was released–She has a right to be worried!  Spencer, don’t be a jerk.

I wonder why they gave Charlie up for adoption? I bet Charlie is Jason’s HUGO!!!!!!!!!!

Has anyone else noticed that both Aria and Hannah got lobs this season? I wonder how production felt about that….remember Jessica Biel and the 7th Heaven haircut that production/writers had to turn into a storyline because it was so drastic? Or FELICITY? No? Oh that’s right, because you were born in 1996 unlike me….

EMILY HAS A BURNER PHONE!? What high school student on earth, particularly one whose parents BOTH work for the government (remember her mom works/ed for the police department) can afford to buy BURNERS?!

“Did you think I looked feral?” Sara asks Emily. LookED?! YOU LOOK FERAL!

Wait now Emily is making french toast for this new girl who has bunked with her against her will!

I love that the show is making a clear and concerted effort to make Ezra look younger! I wonder if this has anything to do with that time Lucy Hale went on TV saying the “Ezria” thing creeped her out….

  
“Unmess him up“? Really, Spencer? I bet if Hannah said that you’d admonish her!

Ezra is being SO CREEPY this episode! Now he’s impersonating a doctor?! He also asks the person on the phone for the person’s name, DOB, and SSN.  The fact that this EDUCATOR does not know that hospitals cannot just give out information of any patient

“Are those boys all from church?“–This quote. I will just let you laugh this one out.

Lorenzo is saying that Allison should be a soccer coach based on her passing a ball wearing a wedge??

Emily and her mom’s banter is making Sara jealous. If only Sara had seen them last episode fighting over Emily’s usage of firearms….

There’s some WEIRD sexual tension between Jason and Spencer…am I the only thing sensing this?!

WHO IS MISTER BISCUIT!?

ANDREW WAS RELEASED?! I’m sorry but the DA chose not to charge him because he had alibis for 2 of the DOZENS of incidents (including being at the scene when the girls were found, police tracing everything back to his truck, desire for getting the girls back in his manifesto, etc)?! THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE!

“Other towns have nice toxic dumps. Rosewood has you.”-Andrew what is a NICE toxic dump? Is this in contract to a BAD toxic dump?

“That’s what Charles wanted us to know–that there was a point where we would [hurt each other].“-Deep story, Spencer, but what does this mean for you guys? Will Charlies stop now because you came to that oh-so-wise conclusion? Prolly not, k?

Sara’s haircut is very Some Kind of Wonderful! I love it!

Spencer throwing her suffering in her concerned mother’s face is SO frustrating! Let’s put ourselves in her mother’s shoes: Her daughter said she would go to school and you find out she skipped, was gone all night and her alleged kidnapper was released–She has a right to be worried!  Spencer, don’t be a jerk.

I wonder why they gave Charlie up for adoption? I bet Charlie is Jason’s HUGO!!!!!!!!!!

Pretty Little Liars: Over A Barrel

Do these girls go to school?  Maybe the reason Aria didn’t get into college is because these girls are always at coffeeshops or trying to solve murder mysteries!  GO STUDY! Do something related to your academics!

Where is this coffeeshop that coffee is only FIFTY CENTS?!  Is it 1991 again!?  I want coffee shops to only charge 50 cents!

Okay, the register printing Aria’s letter? I mean, are we even going to discuss this? Or should we just file this in the “stupid things that would never happen” folder a la Days of Our Lives when Marlena was possessed by the devil.

Wait the chick that Ezra hired to cater his party is now working at Emily’s coffeeshop?!?! Or did Ezra buy the entire coffeeshop and I missed it because apparently he owns it now?

Johnny is going to live in the barn and he pays his rent in coins….cool…he also looks like a character from Buffy circa 1998 with that short sleeved plaid shirt over his long sleeved shirt.

Also, the new tenant says to Spencer “So your boyfriends a cop?” and she replied “Yeah…he wasn’t always….”

Huh? Of course he wasn’t always a cop, no one was “always” their professional career…was that worth saying? That was such an awkward way to end the scene! Spencer says that, shoves her hands into her pocket and the scene lasts another second or two, then cuts abruptly.

Pastor Ted is back and has to meet with Hannah? Ohhhh is she going to tell on her mom for sleeping with Jason DiLaurentis?!

Jason looks creepy/weird as hell with a beard….what is going on with his facial hair??!

“You’re talking about 1017 aren’t you, that smell, ugh! They ought to do something about it, it’s really unsanitary!” That is the writers’ way of weaving a random 3rd party, Mrs. Horowitz, to tell Spencer that basically there’s a dead body in that unit.

#WhatsInTheBarrel just flashed on the screen! I have seen enough Breaking Bad to know what a yellow suit and a barrel mean! DEAD BODY IN ACID IS WHAT IT MEANS!

“So she’s either pickled or dissolved?” Caleb asks…..I don’t know about you guys but I am a very visual person and maybe it’s because I am battling a stomach bug but I gagged a LOT when he said that….barf….AHHH now I can’t get the image of pickled Mona out of my head!!!!!!!!!!!! THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS, THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CHOCOLATE BROWNIES AND PIZZA AND 30 ROCK RERUNSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Hannah’s mom is kind of a hoe…no judgement but dating a pastor and cheating with your daughter’s friend? Hoe, fo sho.

So we see Aria’s contact card with Ezra’s name and number….

Who else out there called that number?  Just me? K, cool, just so you know it’s an ATT directory service number, nothing exciting haha!