The Gloves Are On

“We’re here to chill not spill“-Hannah those two things go hand-in-hand, m’dear!

Um Sara is at the spa chillin’, too!

How stupid is Hannah, she deleted the exact recordings that were necessary, now her mom might lose her job and the police are looking into this! Ahhhh! Hannah you are so dumb. For real.

Silver jag? Didn’t Mad Men teach us that Jaguars are shitty cars?

Wait Spencer suddenly has a desire to tell the truth?  ALL she has done for 4 years is LIEEEE and now suddenly she be like “nah i’m good, imma be unnecessarily honest, tnx”

“I know you like to shop out of other people’s carts….maybe you’re more comfortable with lying than you think”-MELISSAAAAAA IS BACK and Spencer just got rekt.

Spencer IS the worst and Melissa knows better than anyone how much Spencer likes other women’s men!

“Ezra there’s some horrifying images”-Aria on the contents of Ezra’s thumb drive. Um. What? Where is this going? Is Ezra a pedo now? How horrifying can the images be?!  ARIA YOU BETTER HAVE SCREENSHOTTED THAT SHIT!

“Ezra likes small women get a grip!“-So are we getting a clue as to those horrifying images….

This is what Aria found on Ezra’s thumbdrive:

“I think you need to relax”-Reporter says this to Spencer, truer words have never been spoken.

“I’ve heard of inner-circles but leaving your daughter out, that’s cold.”-This reporter is my favorite, after Queen Melissa of course!

WHA?! Emily spent ALL THE MONEY her dad left her!? And now Emily is donating her eggs!? SHIT IS HEAVY! Like this is legit stuff people consider when they go broke. Wow. I can’t decide if I am proud of the show for keeping this situation real or disappointed because my expectations are fantasy-level-unrealistic. What’s next, Emily finding out ways to refinance her leftover student loans? Signing up for obamacare?

Lucas is lying a lot for Hannah, despite his poor automotive choice he’s a good guy!

“Honest? You are not asking me to change your grade you are asking me to confess to murder.“-Ezra, changing grades isn’s exactly cool either, bro.

I love that when Ezra yells at the women who intruded into his home accusing him of murder, they act incredibly victimized and scared. Like really, what did y’all expect?

Wait but really, did Ezra just confess to killing Charles/Charlotte or is he saying he’s just happy that she’s dead??!

AHHHHH SPENCER AND CALEB?! NOOOOO! GROSS! NOOOOOO! WHY IS HE CARESSING HER!?!?! MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!

PLL: Game Over, Charles

Let’s be honest, I fast forwarded this episode to the key moment where the hooded figure was unveiled.

This show is SO twisted.  CeCe is Charles and CeCe dated Jason….aka INCEST?!

So we are to believe that the DeLaurentises left Charles, a, what, 4-year-old child, to watch their infant daughter.  Then, when the daughter cried and the 4-year-old tried to draw a bath for his baby sister and Radley psychiatrists were like “oh totes, he’s totes a psychopath, let’s admit this small child.”?! NO. THAT DOES NOT HAPPEN!

Oh so Mr. DeLaurentis was anti-trans and that’s why he sent Charles away to a medical facility that approved his admission, makes sense #NOITDOESNOT

So did their mom pay for gender reassignment surgery? Or was that covered under their health insurance plan #itwasnt

Side note: Jason has terrible posture.

“I know what you’re gonna say, it’s screwed up that I dated my brother” Sibling consanguinity is, ya know….not a good idea.

“Cece’s the real wolf of walstreet, she never made a bad investment” –That’s how they’re going to explain the buttloads of money A has to do all this crazy stuff?  1. At what age did she begin investing and 2. What was her initial capital investment to become a crazy millionaire?!  I know, I need to keep my reality in state of perpetual….nonexistence when I watch this show, but I have so many questions!

“It felt great to succeed at something!”-THAT is CeCe’s explanation for continuing the game?! But she is a MILLIONAIRE, if that’s not WINNING, then what is?!

Sara has been in on it all along! I KNEW IT! She transitioned too well from Radley to Emily’s bed.

“A always has an escape plan”-Then why were you in an underground bunker for 3 weeks, Spencer? Hmmmm?

This is actually somewhat heartbreaking, watching CeCe mourn her mom. Watching her spiral. That’s actually so sad. Sad emoji time 😦

Sara sounds…British when she barks orders at the girls.

Soooo…what now? We have this maudlin scene with the girls saying goodbye but then what? Is Charlotte in a high security prison?

OH 5 YEARS LATER! AHHHHH! NEW TWIST!

A few people I’ve talked to have said they are very upset with the finale but honestly, I feel like this is the best way for it to end this season and be able to continue into other seasons.

What do you guys think??

PLL: Last Dance

THIS Tweet tonight caught my eye and I cannot stop laughing:

The #PLLMoms were concerned about their daughters for .5 seconds before they got drunk and forgot to care. That sums up the whole series.

— Catherine Powell (@CatherinePowell) August 5, 2015

While the title of this episode alone is ominous, the fact that they are attending prom is foreboding of terrible, awful, amazing things to come.

“And I don’t entirely disagree.“–So Emily’s mom agrees?  Just needed to clarify that.

Twinkly lights! That’s what Emily said she wanted! A prom with twinkly lights! Stop bitching and accept your fate, girls! This is the price of being friends with Allison.

Oh hey, Allison’s 417 year old police officer boyfriend entered the scene looking old AF as per usual.

EWWWWWW Allison’s brother just asked her to prom! INCEST!

LOL @Aria’s mom saying she’s frustrated about Charles because she “need[s] a sandwich”. She might be hangry or she might have PTSD.

Spencer’s mom is a LUSH! She has this obnoxiously coquettish smirk and says “well, I’m not drinking” as she pours herself a hefty glass of cab. LOVE IT!

Caption Contest! What is Ezra thinking while taking this picture:

My guess? “Mmmmm fresh meat….smells like”...well I will let this famous quote from House Party finish that line for me.

Or maybe “This one is going in the spank bank”.  I’m not sure which one is more Ezra, ya know?

WHOA Hannah’s make up looks WACK! She is over bronzed and eyes are over-racooned!

Allison’s dress/look is my absolute, 100% favorite! She looks like cinderella+belle combined!

Emily, you cannot wear your own crown to prom, that’s…weird.  I guess these girls aren’t properly socialized so it’s not her fault. It IS a way to make your school yearbook’s worst dressed list.

IT’S CHARLES! THEY ARE AT THE HOUSE WITH CHARLES! Then who is at prom with Allison?? Bethanny?? Is she secretly alive??  I mean, I guess that could be the twist but how did they fake HER body?? HOW MANY DENTAL RECORDS CAN CHARLES AND HIS ENDLESS RESOURCES FAKE!?

CALEB IS AN INFORMATION RISK ANALYST!!!??! HE IS GOING TO MAKE ENOUGH TO COVER HANNAH’S TUITION AND RENT IN NYC?!  Listen, my friend was a DOCTOR in NYC and I know how rent there works. Unless these kids are going to move to the projects of NJ and pretend they live in NYC “because it’s totally just, like, a 30 minute drive” then this show IS BEYOND SUSPENDED REALITY! For some reason this part of the show is making me so angry!

‘CLARK is an undercover cop‘ she gasped in feigned surprised. Moving on….

“Shouldn’t we call the police?”–Emily, Toby takes umbrage to that as he says “No I already called for backup” aka SHUT YOUR MOUTH!

“We had one job tonight, one. To keep them safe”-YES, MOMS OF WINE COUNTRY, you had ONE FREAKING JOB and you failed because you are self absorbed, terrible parents and I can only hope that DCFS takes over as you are ALL FAILURES.

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PLL: FrAmed

“Charles gave me his frosting. How does that turn into vicious?” #AwkwardIncest!?

I mean, the writers knew what that sounded like, right?! Yikes.

“You just met the guy, he sure is asking a lot of questions“-Ezra, I don’t think you know how babies are made. Clark, while quite handsome, is not secretly Charles in blackface, I cannot imagine the show going THAT far. Actually….

The actor who plays Lorenzo is TOO OLD TO KISS ALLISON! Ahhhh! His IMDB doesn’t show his DOB, and type the question in google and apparently that question is a top hit! HOW OLD IS THIS MOFO?!

TWIST!: There are TWO As!  Again….I am still not convinced that Charles is A, remember when Ezra was A?

Anyways, there are two and one has a feminine physique! A woman!

The dinner at Carlo’s before prom conversation sounds like the most authentic. teenage conversation on this show! Emily even talks about “twinkle lights” at this restaurant.

Rhys is very….50 Shades of Lame….and the actor is not listed in the credits for the episode.  Does this mean that Rhys has some bigger role and the show runners don’t want viewers too hot on the trail! He looks kind of like Jason, too!

ALSO, the character’s name-Rhys Matthews–there’s an actor named Matthew Rhys, is there a connection or has this show made me a total conspiracy theorist??

I love how he ends the meeting with a message, “I need a holding’s report!” That’s a very Christian Gray nonsense-business-babble way to speak to inform viewers that this man is very important.

AHHHH ARIA ASKED EZRA TO PROM–Wow student asking a teacher to prom….I need to find more synonyms for awkward, guys.

Clark is lying! He’s hiding something!

“I grew up in a bilingual household”-GOOD FOR YOU, LINDA TANNER! NOT EVERYONE HAD THAT OPPORTUNITY SO QUIT YOUR HUMBLE-BRAGGING!

“Your little pink fist“-Tanner, chill out! Ick!

CLARK! CLARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHADY MOFO! (imagine me screaming at the TV because that’s exactly what I did).

Lorenzo and Allison’s argument disturbs me because his face so clearly shows that he’s not 20 or even close. THIS SHOW NEEDS TO MAKE SOME CHANGES! These age gaps are not endearing or something to aspire to, they are displays of power by older men (and once a woman) with younger, vulnerable women.  Soapbox speech done.

PLL: Songs of Experience

Wait MEGA PLOT HOLE FROM THE START- how did the DeLaurentis family moved here after Alli was one when Alli’s mom had an affair that created her older brother Jason??

Has anyone else noticed that both Aria and Hannah got lobs this season? I wonder how production felt about that….remember Jessica Biel and the 7th Heaven haircut that production/writers had to turn into a storyline because it was so drastic? Or FELICITY? No? Oh that’s right, because you were born in 1996 unlike me….

EMILY HAS A BURNER PHONE!? What high school student on earth, particularly one whose parents BOTH work for the government (remember her mom works/ed for the police department) can afford to buy BURNERS?!

“Did you think I looked feral?” Sara asks Emily. LookED?! YOU LOOK FERAL!

Wait now Emily is making french toast for this new girl who has bunked with her against her will!

I love that the show is making a clear and concerted effort to make Ezra look younger! I wonder if this has anything to do with that time Lucy Hale went on TV saying the “Ezria” thing creeped her out….

  
“Unmess him up“? Really, Spencer? I bet if Hannah said that you’d admonish her!

Ezra is being SO CREEPY this episode! Now he’s impersonating a doctor?! He also asks the person on the phone for the person’s name, DOB, and SSN.  The fact that this EDUCATOR does not know that hospitals cannot just give out information of any patient

“Are those boys all from church?“–This quote. I will just let you laugh this one out.

Lorenzo is saying that Allison should be a soccer coach based on her passing a ball wearing a wedge??

Emily and her mom’s banter is making Sara jealous. If only Sara had seen them last episode fighting over Emily’s usage of firearms….

There’s some WEIRD sexual tension between Jason and Spencer…am I the only thing sensing this?!

WHO IS MISTER BISCUIT!?

ANDREW WAS RELEASED?! I’m sorry but the DA chose not to charge him because he had alibis for 2 of the DOZENS of incidents (including being at the scene when the girls were found, police tracing everything back to his truck, desire for getting the girls back in his manifesto, etc)?! THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE!

“Other towns have nice toxic dumps. Rosewood has you.”-Andrew what is a NICE toxic dump? Is this in contract to a BAD toxic dump?

“That’s what Charles wanted us to know–that there was a point where we would [hurt each other].“-Deep story, Spencer, but what does this mean for you guys? Will Charlies stop now because you came to that oh-so-wise conclusion? Prolly not, k?

Sara’s haircut is very Some Kind of Wonderful! I love it!

Spencer throwing her suffering in her concerned mother’s face is SO frustrating! Let’s put ourselves in her mother’s shoes: Her daughter said she would go to school and you find out she skipped, was gone all night and her alleged kidnapper was released–She has a right to be worried!  Spencer, don’t be a jerk.

I wonder why they gave Charlie up for adoption? I bet Charlie is Jason’s HUGO!!!!!!!!!!

Has anyone else noticed that both Aria and Hannah got lobs this season? I wonder how production felt about that….remember Jessica Biel and the 7th Heaven haircut that production/writers had to turn into a storyline because it was so drastic? Or FELICITY? No? Oh that’s right, because you were born in 1996 unlike me….

EMILY HAS A BURNER PHONE!? What high school student on earth, particularly one whose parents BOTH work for the government (remember her mom works/ed for the police department) can afford to buy BURNERS?!

“Did you think I looked feral?” Sara asks Emily. LookED?! YOU LOOK FERAL!

Wait now Emily is making french toast for this new girl who has bunked with her against her will!

I love that the show is making a clear and concerted effort to make Ezra look younger! I wonder if this has anything to do with that time Lucy Hale went on TV saying the “Ezria” thing creeped her out….

  
“Unmess him up“? Really, Spencer? I bet if Hannah said that you’d admonish her!

Ezra is being SO CREEPY this episode! Now he’s impersonating a doctor?! He also asks the person on the phone for the person’s name, DOB, and SSN.  The fact that this EDUCATOR does not know that hospitals cannot just give out information of any patient

“Are those boys all from church?“–This quote. I will just let you laugh this one out.

Lorenzo is saying that Allison should be a soccer coach based on her passing a ball wearing a wedge??

Emily and her mom’s banter is making Sara jealous. If only Sara had seen them last episode fighting over Emily’s usage of firearms….

There’s some WEIRD sexual tension between Jason and Spencer…am I the only thing sensing this?!

WHO IS MISTER BISCUIT!?

ANDREW WAS RELEASED?! I’m sorry but the DA chose not to charge him because he had alibis for 2 of the DOZENS of incidents (including being at the scene when the girls were found, police tracing everything back to his truck, desire for getting the girls back in his manifesto, etc)?! THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE!

“Other towns have nice toxic dumps. Rosewood has you.”-Andrew what is a NICE toxic dump? Is this in contract to a BAD toxic dump?

“That’s what Charles wanted us to know–that there was a point where we would [hurt each other].“-Deep story, Spencer, but what does this mean for you guys? Will Charlies stop now because you came to that oh-so-wise conclusion? Prolly not, k?

Sara’s haircut is very Some Kind of Wonderful! I love it!

Spencer throwing her suffering in her concerned mother’s face is SO frustrating! Let’s put ourselves in her mother’s shoes: Her daughter said she would go to school and you find out she skipped, was gone all night and her alleged kidnapper was released–She has a right to be worried!  Spencer, don’t be a jerk.

I wonder why they gave Charlie up for adoption? I bet Charlie is Jason’s HUGO!!!!!!!!!!