My Baby All Gone

I distinctly remember this commercial from my childhood in the 90’s.

I don’t know what disturbs me more:

1. the fact that this girl is feeding her “baby” candied cherries

2. The vacuum apparatus used in the baby’s mouth

3. When the “baby” “eats” the “cherries”, the dad exclaims “that’s my girl!”

THEN I DECIDED TO WATCH THIS:

WHO IS GOING TO TELL THIS CHILD THAT HER DOLL HAS A UTI?!?!

That’s the ONLY explanation I can think of for that dolls yellow-orange urine or the fact that she peed what, in terms of scaling, would be her BODY WEIGHT IN LIQUID EXCREMENT!

Also, super important for me to know: Does the doll poop?   I feel like this commercial is intentionally misleading to both men AND dolls.

Teen Wolf Season 1 Episode 3

1. At the start of the episode I already have issues! It starts on a school bus AT NIGHT with Scott and Allison about to have sex. How do they have access to school buses at night?
Why would you want your first time to be in a school bus?! Does this desire speak to a dark past for Scott???

Update: it was a dream. SCOTT’S dream. I think the school bus was a subconscious desire.

Update 2:WAS IT JUST A DREAM?!

Update 3: it WAS just a dream

2. Wait someone just called Scott an asswipe! Since when can you say asswipe on television!?

3. “You don’t know that!”
“Well I don’t not know that!!!”-real eloquent, Scott.

4. “ I’m just going to have to cancel my date with Allison” Scott says with regard to the possibility that he might MAUL his date.

But alas, his BFF Stiles disagrees, “no you can’t cancel your whole life !!!”

Ah to be in high school again, when one date is your WHOLE LIFE!

5. Wait, Allison asks Scott to hang out with her and another couple and now Stiles says that means Allison put him in the gay best friend category.

SINCE WHEN DOES A DOUBLE DATE DO THAT?!?!

IS THIS HOW HIGH SCHOOLERS REALLY THINK?!?!

6. Omg Allison’s friend, Lydia, is trying to be sexy for Allison’s hot dad:

7. UM, the popular girl just said (WITH DUCK FACE)

“Hmm, someone’s daddy’s little girl”.

SHE SAID THAT AFTER HER CREEPY/”SEDUCTIVE” POSE!

EW

WHAT IS SHE IMPLYING?!?!

8. The actor who plays Allison’s dad has a weird, slavic-ish accent but when I wikipedia-ed him, I found out that he is CANADIAN! There is NO excuse for that accent, Mr. Bourne (oh and his real name is definitely fake, right?)

9. I AM SO CONFUSED. Scott is really bad at bowling on his double date. Then Allison whispers in his ear to imagine her naked and he bowls a strike.

How does a boner make him a better bowler?

10. Oh, apparently Allison’s dad was a teen parent, too!

Allison was born in 1985 and her dad was born only 15 years earlier.
11. “Trust me, I do plenty of sucking just for his benefit”–Lydia.

Ew.

Gross.

No.

12. “That’s enough parenting for me for one night” Scott’s mom said as she walks away with her hands in the air giving two peace signs.

Oh man, Scott’s mom. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER! The show has BARELY started, you CANNOT START LOSING IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

Teen Wolf Season 1 Episode 2

1. My friend pointed out that our wolfy boy totally looks like a Clearasil commercial actor!

2. So there are “werewolf-hunters” and Allison’s dad is one of the ones that shot at Scott!
Yeeesh, talk about a girl who likes drama, her dad is a werewolf hunter?

RED FLAG, SCOTT! RED FLAG!!!

3. “ My grandmother runs faster than that. And she’s dead! Do you think you can run faster than her lifeless corpse?
Um, coach? That went from funny to downright awkward FAST!!!

4, SCOTT ALMOST TURNED ON THE LACROSSE FIELD!!!

5. Scott’s anger makes him turn, so now he can’t play his beloved lacrosse! WHATEVER WILL HE DO?!

Maybe I’m being insensitive but I think lacrosse is the least of his problems!

6. These teen shows conveniently have single moms who “work late shifts”.

Why?

Because then we don’t have to worry about that pesky little thing called parental supervision!

7. “I prefer my boyfriend in peek performance if you know what I mean” says someone who looks as annoying as she talks.

What high schooler says that?!

8. There is some sort of drama over this jacket of Allison’s but I am lost as to the implications of her ominous jacket.

10. This show is sooooo meta! They keep referencing other wolf movies!

11. I am SO CONFUSED. From what just happened I can only ascertain that wolfsbane makes the humans turn into werewolves.

But I thought wolfsbane was BAD for wolves!

GAH! Is this the MTV interpretation of werewolves?

12. Guys, I LITERALLY fast forwarded the entire lacrosse game!

I hated sports when I was in high school, I have zero desire to watch fictitious characters play.

13. I also fast forwarded the kissing between Scott and Allison, too! I am losing my patience with these slowwwww, lonnnngg scenes!