Month: March 2015

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PLL: I’m a Good Girl, I Am

AHHH THE EPISODE OPENS WITH PERD HAPLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!! A PLL and Parcs and Rec CROSSOVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you are unaware of who Perd is, click HERE to find out! You’re welcome, in advance!

Leslie Stone is on the stand and saying some stuff that I am not sure is true…..also, Aria’s new boy is there in court holding her hand–that seems fast and inappropriate, n’est pas?

Spencer and Toby have a run-in at the courthouse! She not-so-casually throws in the fact that she stayed in a flat with a dude in the UK. Sooooo cruel, just like Spencer to spear Toby’s heart!

Um WHY do the girls have 2 iphones sitting next to each other to talk to Alli and Hannah? The girls could have used ONE PHONE and hit the “merge call” feature.  Aren’t the youth of this generation supposed to be GOOD with technology?!

Aria just mentioned someone we haven’t heard from in a while…MOM. Where is their MOM? Or their dad for that matter? I need me some more Chad Lowe!

Update: Piper walked in on CUE to my demand! I hope she gets paid a lot for her brief 2 seconds on screen.

Caleb and Hannah are breaking my heart guys! I am so sad for them!

“He’s just a kid” Hannah says, referring to Mike.  MIKE IS A YEAR YOUNGER THAN YOU! If he’s “just a kid” then YOU, m’dear, are “just a kid” !!

“You’d be surprised in what students confide to their favorite teachers…or maybe you wouldn’t…”-Aria’s mom is laying down the law! Dayuummmm! Aria, did it hurt when you touched the stove because you got BURNED! And Piper, you are her mom, if your daughter is confiding her sexuality to her “favorite teacher” then YOU and YOU ALONE are to blame.

This Ezra vs. Caleb show-down is kind of….tense and…..charged with passion? Or am I misreading?

“Date a couple of guys….relax they were a few kisses”–Spencer, KISSING ≠ DATING! Relax, stage 5 clinger!

I feel like this is perfect to instagram with the hashtag #brosbeingbasic, right:

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Just two bros….hanging out at night, alone, bro-ing out #brosbeingbasic #basicbitches

Soooo now A is a skilled archer?? Really? This is a joke, right? To quote something a millennial recently said to me, “I can’t, even”

I’m not even going to go into this “smoking gun” of Allison’s poorly healed arm.

“Instead of helping untie your friend, you took a photo? It’s kind of an odd reaction….”–In Rosewood you HAVE to document everything! Lieutenant Tanner knows that! ZOMG WHAT IF SHE IS A! She does seems overly eager to put the girls all behind bars! I wonder what the back story is to her being A (yes, I’m going to run with this theory).

AHHHH OR IS IT ARIA’S NEW GUY!??!  He seems dangerous, he was a boyscout,….maybe he had a crush on her in 3rd grade and she and her friends rejected him and HE’S A and his MOM is Lieutenant Tanner! OMG guys THIS THEORY IS THE REAL STORY!

ALLISON WAS FOUND GUILTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHH ALL THE GIRLS WERE BOOKED! What are the charges for?! I don’t know! Ack!

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PLL: The Melody Lingers On

Oh boy, let me begin by saying that my AC is broken and where I am, my home is a balmy 81 degrees and gettin’ warmer (the how is beyond me), so my brain may be scrambled by the end of this episode (although it usually is anyways).

Did Hannah’s incriminating blood come from the blood drive? Is the moral of the story “Don’t Donate Blood!”?!

“I don’t like the idea of 12 strangers off the street deciding what happens“-Has Allison’s dad lived in the US ever? Does he not understand the role of a jury? Has he not listened to SERIAL!?

Dude Aria’s new guy is a psycho! I mean, even if he THINKS the world is better off without Mona, he certainly shouldn’t intimate that aloud!

Ohhhh fancy transition from Rain with Emily to Allison in the prison shower!  Also, whenever I see a dramatic shower transition I think of that scene in The Craft where the bully is showering and her hair is falling out because the girls (particularly, Rachel True) cursed her.

“I can see something running around behind her eyes”

Ahhh I love Caleb! He’s amazing! Visiting his lawless lady in prison!  I like that the girls aren’t heavily made-up in prison to look unrealistically beautiful and primped.

Ohhh a creepy call from Varjack playing a french song! Intrigue! Mystery! SIIIIIIKKKEEEEE I stopped caring a lonnngg time ago about who is behind the calls, texts, etc!

WHY IS JASON SUDDENLY SPEAKING WITH A SOUTHERN ACCENT?!! Also, he needs to blink 300% more often, I feel like his eyes are going to dry out with all of his hard staring at Spencer!

“Forbid?! That’s a big, hefty, 19th Century word!”-Spencer, do you know what forbid means? How could you possibly think that’s an outdated term? You are a MINOR and your mother can FORBID you from doing things if she so wishes, goshdarnit! #bighefty19thcenturyword

Mona’s murder tape sounds….ah…interesting? I will let you use your imagination! Anyways, this trial is intense! Not really, though.

WAIT, YES! Hannah’s mom and Jason boning is GOING TO COME OUT IN TRIAL! PLOT TWIST! The state is accusing him of taking sex from Hannah’s mom in exchange for a different testimony! I mean, we all know she’s done stuff like that before so it would not be shocking at ALL.

“Most ladies in the congregation manage to pull the news straight out of the atmosphere…it’s pretty amazing.”-Cool story, bro.

Mona’s house is boarded up but inside there’s creepy music playing and suddenly the door is unlocked? NO! DON’T GO INSIDE! Haven’t they seen EVERY horror movie ever!? NEVER GO UPSTAIRS!

Aw I love Hannah’s optimism! “Who knows, maybe I’ll write a book, lots of people write books in prison!”Oh but Hannah you do NOT want your mother’s DNA! There are ways to get what you want or need without having sex with every man you come across!

“It’s like those signs in parking lots, ‘backing up causes severe tire damage’.”–WHAT SIGNS ARE YOU REFERRING TO!? I have never seen these signs! THAT SIGN IS NOT A THING IN THE DRIVING WORLD!

What the frack is “BooBoo’s Ice Cream”?!  Why is Paul Varjack being shredded?! WHAT IS HAPPENING!?!?

So this episode was a HUGE DUD!  I know that it’s really a necessary filler episode before the finale where there’s allegedly going to be a reveAl but really, they couldn’t make this better?!  Between Jason’s alarmingly unblinking stare and Caleb thinking about dipping out, I am VERY dissatisfied!

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PLL: To Plea or Not to Plea

Allison’s attorney is 10000% a LaToya Jackson impersonator on the weekends!

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TAKE THE PLEA, ALLISON! ALWAYS TAKE THE PLEA! Did Adnan Syed teach you NOTHING?!

MELISSAAAAA IS BAAAAACK! Yes! I love having her on the show!

My dream scenario is that Melissa is A and she plots to torture Spencer because Spencer is a skank who steals Melissa’s men. That is how the show should end!

“Sometimes relationships run their course…especially with you, Spencer, you slore-bag-man-stealer!” Obviously I added some colorful language to Melissa’s lines.

Do y’all know what I realized tonight? Emily makes the face below EVERY time she is expressing fear or anxiety which is 99% of the time:

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Those are some crazy-ass eyes, Em, cool it or your eyes will get stuck that way!

“Isn’t that what sisters are supposed to do? Share clothes and makeup tips?”- Melissa is too generous, Spencer deserves none of that stuff!

Side note, after a devastating divorce between Paul Wesley from Vampire Diaries and Torrey DeVitto (Melissa), she is back on the dating scene!

“Hannah, I’m your mother, it’s my job to protect you!“–Sorry mom, but you can’t f*ck your way out of every problem in your daughter’s life! Particularly not conspiracy to murder type of problems.

This episode is soooooo slow! I need more dialogue! More action! MORE, I tells ya!

OMG a judge issued a warrant for Hannah’s arrest! Ahhhhhhhh! Hannah is going to go on lam! Ahhhh!

Hannah is going to tell Tanner about A! Do you think Tanner will believe her?  BTW Caleb is an amazing boyfriend and the other girls should try to find someone like him!

Ohhhh so A has magical powers and can hack into EVERYONE’S phones all at once and delete all of their messages from A?  I 10000% don’t buy it!

Ohhhh Aria is giving Ezra the break-up talk? But I thought HE broke up with HER when he told her to go to college and be single and have fun.  This is going to be super awkward….

Whoever A is, it’s someone who wants these girls to suffer long, torturous lives rather than killing them off one-by-one.  So whomever this is it’s someone who is holding a grudge against these teenaged children for something they must have done when the show first started, aka when they were 14-15.  This person is a psychopath who really needs to take a page out of Princess Elsa’s book!

We are two episodes away from the big ReveAl! I am guessing that absolutely nothing will happen!