Pretty Little Liars S03 E24-A Dangerous gAme

Get the title of the episode? gAme? Emphasis on A? Ha! Clever, PLL writers!

Spencer saunters down the stairs where her friends are awaiting her “return to society.”  All prim and proper and wearing a dress with a dropped waist that flairs, Spencer exudes her usual obnoxiousness…but wait, what is this I smell? Could it be? Deviousness? The real question is, DOES Spencer have it in her to play double Agent (see what I did there? A pun?)??

“You know what they say about hope, right? Breeds eternal misery”– WHO, Spencer, WHO says that? Hmmm??  She then goes on to explain the difference between a crumpet and an english muffin…..

“You seem like you’re back to yourself”- A clearly naive and delusional Emily says.  Did Emily not witness Spencer’s molestation of the banister on her way down the stairs as she creepily said cryptic things that made no sense.

Mona enters the trailer of what I am assuming to be a psychotic A who hasn’t learned about DropBox yet because he has gone through the effort to PRINT pictures and put them on REAL bulletin boards in the trailer. PRINTED PICTURES! Not on a cloud drive or a digital picture frame!

“If it’s water, it’s wet” says an observant, detail-oriented Shauna.

Ezra is in the high school! IN SUPER SKINNY JEANS AND A SKINNY TIE!  He has decided to become (gasp) A HIPSTER!

“So Malcom is 7, what’s he into? Fast cars and fast girls?” Hannah jokes while interviewing to be EZRA’S BABYSITTER.  I love Hannah so much.

“Honestly, I haven’t babysat since I was like 15″ Hannah says.  Issues with this sentence: 1. 15 was like, yesterday for her so barring brain damage, I certainly hope she remembers the basics. 2. That’s not something you say on a job interview!  

GAH! SHE MADE A CUTESY NOISE! AHHHH!

Jenna, ex-blindy, is back!!!!!!! Jenna is GOING BLIND? AND DATING SHAUNA???? “On your darkest days, I will be here for you” Shauna tells her.

GUYS! ARIA AND EZRA BROKE UP!  Dude, Aria had to use a tear-stick (http://www.kryolan.com/en/index.php?cid=116&mnu=31&id=608&pageid=1) because NOTHING ELSE on her face showed sadness other than the 3 lone tears that streaked down her face.

TOBY IS ALIVE!

#tobyisalive is now trending on twitter, ROFL!

“You let me believe that you were dead!” Spencer sobs in a cheap diner to a remorseful Toby.

“What we had was real. I was pretending to work with Mona to keep you safe….I need you to follow me” Toby tells Spencer. Girl, have you seen ANY LIFETIME MOVIE?!  You WILL get raped by your cyber-husband.

OMG OMG OMG OMG SPENCER WAS THE BETRAYER! SHE IS THE ONE WHO KIDNAPPED MALCOLM LAST WEEK! BLARG!  HAVENT I SAID IT FROM THE BEGINNING?!  SPENCER IS THE WORST!

Melissa goes to Jenna’s to hang with her and Shauna! Dude, Spencer is totes the worst and whatever Melissa had planned for her, she had coming.

Spencer’s new “bad self” has (gasp!) straightened hair and dark eyeliner on.   OMG AND she’s wearing black nail polish???? This is what I thought was a bad-ass look when I was like 12, black nail polish. Depending on how old Spencer is (again, ages aren’t clarified on this show, nor are they really important), she is being dumb. For real.

Ugh, now they are calling people who work with A, the “A-Team”? Oh boy.

How is A always outside of everyone’s windows at night and can hear everything everyone says?  I mean, if this was real life, which it clearly is not, couldn’t they get a restraining order against this person for STALKING A BUNCH OF MINORS?!! This shit is creepy!

OMG to have the sex, Spencer comes out in a mid-thigh length XXXL t-shirt. So she and Toby are hot and heavy and then she excuses herself to wear a $2 shirt from the CVS down the corner??? AND THEN THEY HOLD HANDS AFTERWARDS?!  THEY (BARF) MADE LOVE. OMG SO GROSS.  DRY HEAVING.

Aria is standing by a window staring dramatically out of the panes as the sun shines around her.  Ezra dramatically tells her that he is taking the job.

WE HAVE INDICATION OF AGE!!!! EZRA SAYS “You graduate in 7 months”!!!!!!!  SO THEY ARE LIKE 17! OMG! AGE! TIME! If they have a May graduation then we are currently in PLL November, Plovember if you will.

Aria breaks up with Ezra by the window and dramatically kisses him IN THE HALLS OF THE HIGH SCHOOL WHERE SHE IS BREAKING UP WITH HIM SO THAT HE CAN KEEP HIS JOB AT SAID HIGH SCHOOL.

Spencer revealed some diabolical plan that must have involved some mind reading and magic, as much on this show would require.

Ezra is back as their teacher!  FULL CIRCLE!  Ezra teaching and Aria as a student, just like in their sex games.  And the pilot episode.

“And we’ll figure out why Ernest Hemingway said, ‘all things truly wicked come from innocence'”–OH REALLY EZRA?!?!? LIKE HAVING SEX WITH BABIES?!  WICKED RAPE STARTS FROM THE INNOCENCE OF BABIES! YOU RAPED ARIA!  RAPIST!!!! —Readers, I’m not sure if you gathered this or not but I am against minors having sex with their teachers.  Just in case you couldn’t tell. I’m against rape.

Ohhhh the girls, 3 full seasons and presumably 3 years later, the girls have trapped Mona and potentially tricked A! WE WILL SEE AFTER THIS COMMERCIAL!

Oh wait, A is a billionaire who, what, OWNS A PRIVATE PLANE?!  She is performing a special landing? WHAT. THE. FUCK.  A is clearly a billionaire who is bored and  decided to  fuck with some kids as some weird revenge on his high school bullies’ children.

“She’s everywhere and knows everything” Mona screams.  This just reinforces my theory about the bored billionaire.

ALLISON IS ALIVE (gasped no one).  Guys, Allison clearly had an identical twin.  One of them died and the other one is “Red Coat.”  BUT that does not mean that “Red Coat”=A.

“She was wearing a mask…she looked JUST. LIKE. ALLI.”   

Mona says dramatically.  Wait, so she was wearing a mask BUT she looked like Alli somehow???  OR OR was it a MASK of Alli’s face?  Who would go so far as to  pay someone to create masks of a 14-year old DEAD girl’s face.

AND MORE HOLES IN THE STORY LINE! MORE HOLES!  Detective Rapey’s car was dragged out of the river and put in the road.  Somehow the car is on, the computer inside is working and so are the lights.  AGAIN, my BILLIONAIRE THEORY!  I mean, they need someone with a disposable income who can pay for all this shit right?

OK, this “finale” ended with a hand sticking out of a grave and a ANOTHER hand reaching forward to presumably help the person in a “grave” out.

AAAANNNND the girls open the trunk of the detective’s car and collectively gasp.

Groan.  This show started off as BAD and is getting WORSE AND WORSE. Between the holes in the story lines and the underaged sex, this show is the absolute WORST!  Soooo, I’m pretty pumped for the premiere in whatever season they choose to bring it to us!

BUT, don’t worry, this finale doesn’t mean that I won’t blog about other asinine things that don’t matter! I will here, because, well, what else am I going to do? HAHAHAHAHAH….(sobs) hhahahaa???

Pretty Little Liars S03 EP23- I’m Your Puppet

The girls go visit Spencer in the looney bin and they bring some interesting news–Toby ISN’T DEAD! Wait or is he? The writers are toying with us!

“They don’t make a loofah that scrapes out the inside of your head.” Oh really, Spencer? Then explain THIS:

“Shuffling around in Mona’s old slippers is not gonna get her any better.” Hannah is my fav.

Spencer excuses herself and hides something in her pillowcase. The cold open ends with Spencer smirking up at the camera. Barf.

“Cars don’t float, if they did, Pilgrims would’ve driven here” Wait, Emily, explain that again. So if CARS could float, PILGRIMS would have used them? PILGRIMS?! PILGRIMS?!?! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SCHEME INSTEAD OF ATTEND HIGH SCHOOL!

“And what’s even trippier is that we both have scars below our left knee…granted my dad got his in prison but…” Awwww despite the fact that Caleb just made up a word (trippier), I LOVE that he made a prison-knee-bj joke!! Go Caleb!

Eddie the orderly and Spencer are becomig inappropriate BFFL…..and not, that does NOT stand for “best friends for life”…..

Wren comes to visit Spencer and dismisses Eddie like the doctor-resident-student-fellow that he is. We really don’t know where in his carer he is.

Wait, Caleb’s ex-con dad STOLE THE TOWN’S BRONZE BELL AND SOLD IT FOR $8,000?!?! DUDE, if you’re going to steal a GIANT artifact to sell on the giant artifact black market, steal something worth WAY MORE so that the risk is actually worth it! Yeesh!

Ok hold on, Mona’s map that she left shows Spencer how to escape through a first floor window. That’s her secret escape? A FIRST FLOOR window? Also, when Spencer opens the window, no sort of alarm goes off…..it’s almost as though Radley wants its patients to escape….

Detective Benson, ahem, Spencer’s mom talked to Allison about some sort of fight she got into when she was sleeping over at Spencer’s the night of her murder.

Caleb’s dad got Hannah a fancy necklace with his stolen-bronze-bell money! Awkward……

Ok now the 3 girls dress as “candy stripers” to sneak into the morgue?! WHAT KIND OF MORGUE HIRES CANDY STRIPERS?! WHAT DO THEY DO, ASSIST THE DEAD TO THE OTHER SIDE?! THEY ARE DOING THIS AT NIGHT?! WHAT THE FUCK?!

BLARG! So A sneaked into the morgue before them and, somehow, KNOWING what they were looking for, put a painted mask onto the DEAD BODY?! I think that 1. That’s some motherfucking bullshit and 2. THAT HAS TO BE SOME BAD JOOJOO right there!

Eddie tells Spencer “Trust your instinct. Mine told me the minute [Wren] got here, he wasn’t here for the right reasons” As a professional in the mental healthcare field I feel like Eddie should NOT egg on Spencer’s apparent paranoia, NOR should he give her information about the outside world.

OMG MALCOLM WAS KIDNAPPED BY SOMEONE WHO PRETENDED TO BE ARIA. This is so dumb. Nowadays karate classes and the like require you to show identification like a driver’s license. I know this was true in 2007 when I was a nanny so I KNOW it’s true NOW! PLL STOP LYING! It’s not THAT easy to kidnap! STOP ENCOURAGING KIDNAPPING ATTEMPTS!

Oh where did A take Malcolm? A circus?! OF COURSE! Aria is frantically running around trying to find the kidnapped child amongst the masks and face paint. The take away here? CALL 911 WHEN SOMEONE ELSE’S CHILD IS KIDNAPPED UNDER YOUR CARE!

When Aria finds Malcolm, why doesn’t she just show him pics of who she suspects to be A (CeeCee, Alison herself), and see who it was who picked him up? OR WHY DIDN’T SHE ASK HIS KARATE TEACHER THAT!?

Guys is it just me or does Caleb’s dad have an Irish accent?

Update: Caleb’s dad is AUSTRALIAN! And bad at covering his accent apparently:  http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0193046/?ref_=sr_1

There is humming coming from the basement of Radley! Spencer is following it! SHE IS NOW IN A SECRET ROOM! THERE IS BABY STUFF IN THIS SECRET ROOM! WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? Inside the head of the rocking horse are a bunch of fake IDs!!!! WHAAAAA?!

WREN BROKE THE RULES FOR MONA WHEN SHE WAS AT RADLEY! ACK! AND MELISSA WASIN ON IT?!?! That doesn’t surprise me, Spencer did slut it up with her sister’s boyfriends and fiancees on multiple occasions.  The fact that Spencer didn’t see that coming is just sad.

Emily’s mom just told her that she has a secret for Emily that she can’t tell any of her friends.  To prove that point she takes Emily’s cellphone.  In the morning they will know for SURE, BUT they may have found Toby’s body…. Emily’s mom, you are so dumb. For real. I mean how is she supposed to keep that secret?! “Honey, I have a giant secret that is HUGE, may alter your life, I will take your cell to prevent communication with the outside world, forget the fact that you have a computer, tablet and legs to walk you over to their houses. Here’s the secret. Your friend is prob dead. Byeeeee!”

I say “Byeee” because Emily immediately runs to Aria’s and and tells the girls what she promised her mother she wouldn’t. I blame that on her mom, that’s just shitty parenting.

WAIT ARE THEY SAYING NEXT WEEK WE FIND OUT WHO A IS?!

Pretty Little Liars-S03 E22-Will the Circle Be Unbroken?

WAIT, the episode opens with no one knowing where Spencer disappeared! Melissa says “You’re her friends!” In a VERY judgy tone for someone who has tried to kill their sister….Although Spencer DID steal all of Melissa’s boyfriends and fiancees so she DID kind of have it coming.

Spencer is in Radley as a Jane Doe. She’s speaking but won’t tell them who she is. She keeps smirking, ugh, it’s so annoying!  STOP SMIRKING, SPENCER, YOU DON’T POSSESS ANY SUPERIOR KNOWLEDGE OTHER THAN YOUR IDENTITY!

Now Spencer is “playing cards” (looking though a deck of cards) in her room at Radley and comes across the Joker and stares at it knowingly. SPENCER, I know in your min you are a hipster-emo girl whom no one understand except for the Joker, but stop giving knowing glances to inanimate objects.

Spencer is in the common room of Radley when her Rosewood psychiatrist comes up behind her.  Spencer turns around and says “Olly Olly Oxen Free.”  

A hide-and-seek reference, Spencer? C’mon! Aren’t you tired of playing mysterious?  Isn’t it exhausting? Don’t you want to go back to being a know it all?  Am I tired of asking rhetorical questions?

OMG, mother-daughter eating disorders!  Hannah’s mom says “I just want a pretzel” while biting into a carrot.  Hannah looks at her mother disdainfully and says “just put some salt on it”.  I want this show to portray ONE HEALTHY PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP! JUST ONE, ABC FAMILY! DO YOU HEAR ME?!!

DETECTIVE WILDEN IS ALIVE!!

“All this time I thought you were being cruel…I didn’t know it’s because you’re unwell.” Spencer’s sister is NOT convincing me that she is innocent….

The doctors at Radley are giving Spencer “shot gun” antibiotics.  Hmmm, shoddy research PLL writing staff….shot-gun antibiotics are not recommended because that helps create the antibiotic resistant strains of bacteria!

“Somewhere in the past I had an ancestor with a flock up some mountain” -A Radley orderly named “Eddie Lamb”.  Now, I may be socially awkward but people don’t typically describe the origin of their name on first meeting someone, right??  I know the writers want to let us know his character is important but couldn’t they find a better way?? “SOMEWHERE IN the past AN ANCESTOR had a flock UP some mountain”???  So his name comes from ONE family member who didn’t understand how to raise sheep??  Cute.

“She’s not allowed visitors because they’re doing some sort of evaluation”–I can say this with authority because a psychiatrist is sitting next to me, THERE IS NO SITUATION where a psych patient’s friends wouldn’t be able to visit during visiting hours, unless they’re smuggling drugs or something.  So either the writers didn’t consult any real psychiatric professionals OR Hannah tried to smuggle meth. One of the two.  Let’s see how this plays out.

Meth. It’s meth.

Jk.

Spencer’s psychiatrist is talking about her patient, SPENCER, to Spencer’s friends….THAT VIOLATES HIPPA! THAT IS SO UNPROFESSIONAL! THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE!

“He’s a good teacher” Aria’s mom says about Ezra. WHAT. THE. FUCK. THIS MAN TOOK ADVANTAGE OF YOUR 15-YEAR OLD CHILD! HE IS NOT A GOOD TEACHER IN ANY WAY!

A REAL Olympic Gold medalist is on PLL!!!! Missy Franklin!

This orderly is being all kinds of inappropriate with Spencer! Telling her confidential stuff, then asking her why she didn’t eat her pudding and THEN saying “Delayed gratification…shows patience”……DOES HE MEAN THE TAPIOCA PUDDING OR THE ONE BETWEEN SPENCER’S LEGS?!?!

Of all the rooms in Radley, Spencer is in the one MONA WAS IN?!?! Radley looks like a big building….AND THE DESK STILL HAS MONA’S ETCHINGS ON IT!

This place needs to be upgraded:

“There’s things about this situation that I haven’t been able to explain to her” Ezra says. Why hasn’t he been able to explain it to her? BECAUSE SHE IS STILL ON THE 5th GRADE READING LEVEL?!?! BECAUSE SHE IS A CHILD?!?! OH YEAH, THAT’S RIGHT!

OMG EZRA AND ARIA’S DAD ARE BONDING AND TALKING ABOUT THEIR COMMONALITIES–HAVING CHILDREN! EWWWWW!!!!!

Why is this former marine who is an order worried about his job security now telling Spencer CONFIDENTIAL SHIT?! YOU’RE GONNA LOSE YOUR JOB, MARINE!

WHAT. IS. ARIA. WEARING??!?! Does she now work the street corners?!

Aria is called into the principal’s office!!  The school is being responsible!! Ezra applied to be teacher in her district and the principal wants to make sure that there were no inappropriate things going on!  YAY! AN ADULT BEING RESPONSIBLE ON THIS SHOW!!!!

WAIT, SPENCER ISNT ALLOWED VISITORS but MONA CAN VISIT HER?!?! AND WITH A BOX OF TREATS WHICH COULD ALSO BE METH?! What kind of operation is Radley running?! THAT MAKES NO SENSE!

And Spencer is in this “common room” so what would stop someone from saying they are visiting another patient and then just seeing her?

“If I killed [Toby], why would I want to talk to you?”  This sounds familiar….

“You’re not crazy, you’re as sane as I am” Mona says to Spencer. That’s as comforting as a wet willy….unless you’re into that, in which case, find another simile.

“All I want from you and your mother is that car” Detective Wilden said, his eyes as rapey as they have ever been.

Spencer’s monologue at the end is actually pretty heart breaking. BUT ALSO CONFUSING!  Spencer is hallucinating I think?

And the episode ends with “A” looking at what? Comic books? In an RV?? These glimpses into “A” reveal nothing except if A is not a peer, he/she is most certainly a pedophile.