PLL: Game Over, Charles

Let’s be honest, I fast forwarded this episode to the key moment where the hooded figure was unveiled.

This show is SO twisted.  CeCe is Charles and CeCe dated Jason….aka INCEST?!

So we are to believe that the DeLaurentises left Charles, a, what, 4-year-old child, to watch their infant daughter.  Then, when the daughter cried and the 4-year-old tried to draw a bath for his baby sister and Radley psychiatrists were like “oh totes, he’s totes a psychopath, let’s admit this small child.”?! NO. THAT DOES NOT HAPPEN!

Oh so Mr. DeLaurentis was anti-trans and that’s why he sent Charles away to a medical facility that approved his admission, makes sense #NOITDOESNOT

So did their mom pay for gender reassignment surgery? Or was that covered under their health insurance plan #itwasnt

Side note: Jason has terrible posture.

“I know what you’re gonna say, it’s screwed up that I dated my brother” Sibling consanguinity is, ya know….not a good idea.

“Cece’s the real wolf of walstreet, she never made a bad investment” –That’s how they’re going to explain the buttloads of money A has to do all this crazy stuff?  1. At what age did she begin investing and 2. What was her initial capital investment to become a crazy millionaire?!  I know, I need to keep my reality in state of perpetual….nonexistence when I watch this show, but I have so many questions!

“It felt great to succeed at something!”-THAT is CeCe’s explanation for continuing the game?! But she is a MILLIONAIRE, if that’s not WINNING, then what is?!

Sara has been in on it all along! I KNEW IT! She transitioned too well from Radley to Emily’s bed.

“A always has an escape plan”-Then why were you in an underground bunker for 3 weeks, Spencer? Hmmmm?

This is actually somewhat heartbreaking, watching CeCe mourn her mom. Watching her spiral. That’s actually so sad. Sad emoji time 😦

Sara sounds…British when she barks orders at the girls.

Soooo…what now? We have this maudlin scene with the girls saying goodbye but then what? Is Charlotte in a high security prison?

OH 5 YEARS LATER! AHHHHH! NEW TWIST!

A few people I’ve talked to have said they are very upset with the finale but honestly, I feel like this is the best way for it to end this season and be able to continue into other seasons.

What do you guys think??

PLL: Last Dance

THIS Tweet tonight caught my eye and I cannot stop laughing:

The #PLLMoms were concerned about their daughters for .5 seconds before they got drunk and forgot to care. That sums up the whole series.

— Catherine Powell (@CatherinePowell) August 5, 2015

While the title of this episode alone is ominous, the fact that they are attending prom is foreboding of terrible, awful, amazing things to come.

“And I don’t entirely disagree.“–So Emily’s mom agrees?  Just needed to clarify that.

Twinkly lights! That’s what Emily said she wanted! A prom with twinkly lights! Stop bitching and accept your fate, girls! This is the price of being friends with Allison.

Oh hey, Allison’s 417 year old police officer boyfriend entered the scene looking old AF as per usual.

EWWWWWW Allison’s brother just asked her to prom! INCEST!

LOL @Aria’s mom saying she’s frustrated about Charles because she “need[s] a sandwich”. She might be hangry or she might have PTSD.

Spencer’s mom is a LUSH! She has this obnoxiously coquettish smirk and says “well, I’m not drinking” as she pours herself a hefty glass of cab. LOVE IT!

Caption Contest! What is Ezra thinking while taking this picture:

My guess? “Mmmmm fresh meat….smells like”...well I will let this famous quote from House Party finish that line for me.

Or maybe “This one is going in the spank bank”.  I’m not sure which one is more Ezra, ya know?

WHOA Hannah’s make up looks WACK! She is over bronzed and eyes are over-racooned!

Allison’s dress/look is my absolute, 100% favorite! She looks like cinderella+belle combined!

Emily, you cannot wear your own crown to prom, that’s…weird.  I guess these girls aren’t properly socialized so it’s not her fault. It IS a way to make your school yearbook’s worst dressed list.

IT’S CHARLES! THEY ARE AT THE HOUSE WITH CHARLES! Then who is at prom with Allison?? Bethanny?? Is she secretly alive??  I mean, I guess that could be the twist but how did they fake HER body?? HOW MANY DENTAL RECORDS CAN CHARLES AND HIS ENDLESS RESOURCES FAKE!?

CALEB IS AN INFORMATION RISK ANALYST!!!??! HE IS GOING TO MAKE ENOUGH TO COVER HANNAH’S TUITION AND RENT IN NYC?!  Listen, my friend was a DOCTOR in NYC and I know how rent there works. Unless these kids are going to move to the projects of NJ and pretend they live in NYC “because it’s totally just, like, a 30 minute drive” then this show IS BEYOND SUSPENDED REALITY! For some reason this part of the show is making me so angry!

‘CLARK is an undercover cop‘ she gasped in feigned surprised. Moving on….

“Shouldn’t we call the police?”–Emily, Toby takes umbrage to that as he says “No I already called for backup” aka SHUT YOUR MOUTH!

“We had one job tonight, one. To keep them safe”-YES, MOMS OF WINE COUNTRY, you had ONE FREAKING JOB and you failed because you are self absorbed, terrible parents and I can only hope that DCFS takes over as you are ALL FAILURES.

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PLL: FrAmed

“Charles gave me his frosting. How does that turn into vicious?” #AwkwardIncest!?

I mean, the writers knew what that sounded like, right?! Yikes.

“You just met the guy, he sure is asking a lot of questions“-Ezra, I don’t think you know how babies are made. Clark, while quite handsome, is not secretly Charles in blackface, I cannot imagine the show going THAT far. Actually….

The actor who plays Lorenzo is TOO OLD TO KISS ALLISON! Ahhhh! His IMDB doesn’t show his DOB, and type the question in google and apparently that question is a top hit! HOW OLD IS THIS MOFO?!

TWIST!: There are TWO As!  Again….I am still not convinced that Charles is A, remember when Ezra was A?

Anyways, there are two and one has a feminine physique! A woman!

The dinner at Carlo’s before prom conversation sounds like the most authentic. teenage conversation on this show! Emily even talks about “twinkle lights” at this restaurant.

Rhys is very….50 Shades of Lame….and the actor is not listed in the credits for the episode.  Does this mean that Rhys has some bigger role and the show runners don’t want viewers too hot on the trail! He looks kind of like Jason, too!

ALSO, the character’s name-Rhys Matthews–there’s an actor named Matthew Rhys, is there a connection or has this show made me a total conspiracy theorist??

I love how he ends the meeting with a message, “I need a holding’s report!” That’s a very Christian Gray nonsense-business-babble way to speak to inform viewers that this man is very important.

AHHHH ARIA ASKED EZRA TO PROM–Wow student asking a teacher to prom….I need to find more synonyms for awkward, guys.

Clark is lying! He’s hiding something!

“I grew up in a bilingual household”-GOOD FOR YOU, LINDA TANNER! NOT EVERYONE HAD THAT OPPORTUNITY SO QUIT YOUR HUMBLE-BRAGGING!

“Your little pink fist“-Tanner, chill out! Ick!

CLARK! CLARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHADY MOFO! (imagine me screaming at the TV because that’s exactly what I did).

Lorenzo and Allison’s argument disturbs me because his face so clearly shows that he’s not 20 or even close. THIS SHOW NEEDS TO MAKE SOME CHANGES! These age gaps are not endearing or something to aspire to, they are displays of power by older men (and once a woman) with younger, vulnerable women.  Soapbox speech done.

PLL: No Stones Unturned

ZOMG, Leslie’s last name is Stone….the title…get it? GET IT!?!? THIS SHOW IS SOOOOO METAAAAAAA…

Hannah is still being mean to Caleb, passive aggressive really. Her attitude is actually the only realistic-teenaged thing about this show! It’s…refreshing!

Hannah’s flirtatiousness is extremely endearing but also EXTREMELY SEXIST–“Thank god one of us has a brain!” With a self deprecating giggle? Really? There are other ways to flirt without discounting your own intelligence!  Buuut given who her mother is, I am not surprised.

This Australian girl is pretty but a REALLY bad actress–I’m not buying what she’s selling. UNLESS, she’s intentionally bad because she’s lying to Ezra to throw him off because SHE’S really A?

Just kidding, Charles is definitely alive and A.

Wow between Sarah and the Aussie, Emily is basically the Joey Tribbiani of this show–you’re probably too young who know who that is, but the kids of the 90s remember him well!

DA FUQ–THEY WERE MICROCHIPPED LIKE DOGS?!  That’s messed up, even for this show. That explains how A always knows where they are but A must be a BILLIONAIRE. A bored billionaire.

FEIGNED SURPRISE: Omg Charles ISN’T dead?! No one expected that…..

PLL: She’s No Angel

We open with a strange girl who is filthy and in some sort of basement performing ballet that is very reminiscent of Sia’s music video for Elastic Heart. VERY similar dance. I wonder if it’s the same dancer. 

UPDATE: I was right! It is her!!!! It’s Maddie Ziegler!!

OMG Spencer’s open mouthed chewing is SO GROSS! Maybe it’s my mysophonia but that brief exaggerating chewing intended to show us how anxious Spencer is was the worst 10 seconds of TV!

“My mom just got back from Curves“–Spencer’s mom works out a gym that super popular in the late 90s?!!

Okay Sara is totally fake-talking on the phone! I don’t buy it! Her parents are probably dead!

Ew Spencer talking about/implying her horny teenaged sex with Toby is creepy.  The writers are telling us she’s on a stimulant (adderall or something), but don’t those drugs make you LOSE your appetite? Or is it the weed she bought? 

This show needs to STOP with the May/December romances. Hell, the May 1982/December 1996 romances! Lorenzo is clearly MUCH older than Ali and, I know I sound like a broken record but, ITS CREEPY! No more! Please, ABC Family! Just give us more age-appropriate love interests!

Why is Emily SO hell bent on protecting Sara over Aria?! Her obsession with helping Sara is clouding her judgement!

Why doesn’t Aria just ask to borrow the picture because she thinks she knows the person in it rather than steal ALL of Clark’s work?!!

Oh wait are those weed-cookies?? Is that why she wouldn’t share with Hannah? I’m so confused about the significance of these freaking cookies! 

Update: I looked at Twitter and those cookies are in fact weed cookies. And she left them with another recovering addict to throw away for her, thereby tempting him instead of herself! How selfish!

Is it just me or did makeup use too much brow filler on Emily:

  
EMILY DO NOT BE THE STEREOTYPE AND GET A JAPANESE TATTOO! Haven’t you ever seen the buzzfeed on exactly that?!

Sara is like an anxious little squirrel! Emily needs to let her go!

WHY IS EVERYONE ACCEPTING CHARLES AS DEAD?! They all thought Allison was dead for YEARS, then Mona and now Charles?! Y’all know he’s not dead, right?!!

The ending scene of A brushing a wig on a tennis ball is supposed to be eerie but it’s HILARIOUS:

  

PLL: Don’t Look Now

Wait MEGA PLOT HOLE FROM THE START- how did the DeLaurentis family moved here after Alli was one when Alli’s mom had an affair that created her older brother Jason??

“I noticed you’ve been taking pictures the last couple of days”–Chad Lowe, c’mon, you are NEVER HOME!

“When my mom said you could spend the night she meant sleep“–No, Hannah, you’ve met your mom. She meant you should do other things!

In Spencer’s flashback she’s clutching her body covered in blood–they were in the bunker for 3+ weeks, makes sense that they incorporate some reality into the show, menstrual cycles and all.

WAIT SPENCER IS STRAIGHT UP DUMPSTER DIVING.

For such a smart girl, Spencer is NOT practicing good dumpster diving hygiene!

OMG, wait the two people that could help (Allison’s great aunt and mom) are dead–SEANCE TIME!

Aria lying to her dad and feeling entitled to do so is SO FRUSTRATING–can she not imagine what he went through?! Her parents thought she was dead!!! DEAD! This is not the time to be angsty-teen!

Why are they cutting the scene with Chad scolding Aria, Toby scolding Hannah and Emily’s mom just chatting about weird-o Sara together as though they are all connected??!?!!

They straight up lied to Jason and told him he hallucinated his BROTHER! HIS BROTHER! THAT IS BAD PARENTING! NO WONDER HE WAS DOING DRUGS! HE HAD TO DROWN OUT THE MEMORIES!

Ohhhhh the editor got LAZY! Look at this poor photo-shopping of childhood Allison and Jason:

OMG I love this note Charlie left Aria: “You’re my doll, bitch”-it sounds endearing and kitschy! Like #bitcheslovedolls or something!

I knew producers would work Aria’s real-life-haircut into the storyline!

I love Emily’s 90’s grunge look! Look at her versus Rayanne from My So Called Life! Basically twins #blessed

What if the tombstone is a symbol and sure, it’s been there a long time, but THEY NEED TO DIG UP THE BODY to PROVE IT’S HIM!  Why are they stopping Hannah?  WE NEED DENTAL RECORDS!

Are Sara and Emily going to kiss?!

Did Hannah and Caleb just break up!? AHHHHHH! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

WAIT-Charlie was put in Radley because Alli’s negligent dad left her alone upstairs as an 11 month old while he went outside to grill. That;s what I heard.

PLL: Songs of Experience

Wait MEGA PLOT HOLE FROM THE START- how did the DeLaurentis family moved here after Alli was one when Alli’s mom had an affair that created her older brother Jason??

Has anyone else noticed that both Aria and Hannah got lobs this season? I wonder how production felt about that….remember Jessica Biel and the 7th Heaven haircut that production/writers had to turn into a storyline because it was so drastic? Or FELICITY? No? Oh that’s right, because you were born in 1996 unlike me….

EMILY HAS A BURNER PHONE!? What high school student on earth, particularly one whose parents BOTH work for the government (remember her mom works/ed for the police department) can afford to buy BURNERS?!

“Did you think I looked feral?” Sara asks Emily. LookED?! YOU LOOK FERAL!

Wait now Emily is making french toast for this new girl who has bunked with her against her will!

I love that the show is making a clear and concerted effort to make Ezra look younger! I wonder if this has anything to do with that time Lucy Hale went on TV saying the “Ezria” thing creeped her out….

  
“Unmess him up“? Really, Spencer? I bet if Hannah said that you’d admonish her!

Ezra is being SO CREEPY this episode! Now he’s impersonating a doctor?! He also asks the person on the phone for the person’s name, DOB, and SSN.  The fact that this EDUCATOR does not know that hospitals cannot just give out information of any patient

“Are those boys all from church?“–This quote. I will just let you laugh this one out.

Lorenzo is saying that Allison should be a soccer coach based on her passing a ball wearing a wedge??

Emily and her mom’s banter is making Sara jealous. If only Sara had seen them last episode fighting over Emily’s usage of firearms….

There’s some WEIRD sexual tension between Jason and Spencer…am I the only thing sensing this?!

WHO IS MISTER BISCUIT!?

ANDREW WAS RELEASED?! I’m sorry but the DA chose not to charge him because he had alibis for 2 of the DOZENS of incidents (including being at the scene when the girls were found, police tracing everything back to his truck, desire for getting the girls back in his manifesto, etc)?! THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE!

“Other towns have nice toxic dumps. Rosewood has you.”-Andrew what is a NICE toxic dump? Is this in contract to a BAD toxic dump?

“That’s what Charles wanted us to know–that there was a point where we would [hurt each other].“-Deep story, Spencer, but what does this mean for you guys? Will Charlies stop now because you came to that oh-so-wise conclusion? Prolly not, k?

Sara’s haircut is very Some Kind of Wonderful! I love it!

Spencer throwing her suffering in her concerned mother’s face is SO frustrating! Let’s put ourselves in her mother’s shoes: Her daughter said she would go to school and you find out she skipped, was gone all night and her alleged kidnapper was released–She has a right to be worried!  Spencer, don’t be a jerk.

I wonder why they gave Charlie up for adoption? I bet Charlie is Jason’s HUGO!!!!!!!!!!

Has anyone else noticed that both Aria and Hannah got lobs this season? I wonder how production felt about that….remember Jessica Biel and the 7th Heaven haircut that production/writers had to turn into a storyline because it was so drastic? Or FELICITY? No? Oh that’s right, because you were born in 1996 unlike me….

EMILY HAS A BURNER PHONE!? What high school student on earth, particularly one whose parents BOTH work for the government (remember her mom works/ed for the police department) can afford to buy BURNERS?!

“Did you think I looked feral?” Sara asks Emily. LookED?! YOU LOOK FERAL!

Wait now Emily is making french toast for this new girl who has bunked with her against her will!

I love that the show is making a clear and concerted effort to make Ezra look younger! I wonder if this has anything to do with that time Lucy Hale went on TV saying the “Ezria” thing creeped her out….

  
“Unmess him up“? Really, Spencer? I bet if Hannah said that you’d admonish her!

Ezra is being SO CREEPY this episode! Now he’s impersonating a doctor?! He also asks the person on the phone for the person’s name, DOB, and SSN.  The fact that this EDUCATOR does not know that hospitals cannot just give out information of any patient

“Are those boys all from church?“–This quote. I will just let you laugh this one out.

Lorenzo is saying that Allison should be a soccer coach based on her passing a ball wearing a wedge??

Emily and her mom’s banter is making Sara jealous. If only Sara had seen them last episode fighting over Emily’s usage of firearms….

There’s some WEIRD sexual tension between Jason and Spencer…am I the only thing sensing this?!

WHO IS MISTER BISCUIT!?

ANDREW WAS RELEASED?! I’m sorry but the DA chose not to charge him because he had alibis for 2 of the DOZENS of incidents (including being at the scene when the girls were found, police tracing everything back to his truck, desire for getting the girls back in his manifesto, etc)?! THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE!

“Other towns have nice toxic dumps. Rosewood has you.”-Andrew what is a NICE toxic dump? Is this in contract to a BAD toxic dump?

“That’s what Charles wanted us to know–that there was a point where we would [hurt each other].“-Deep story, Spencer, but what does this mean for you guys? Will Charlies stop now because you came to that oh-so-wise conclusion? Prolly not, k?

Sara’s haircut is very Some Kind of Wonderful! I love it!

Spencer throwing her suffering in her concerned mother’s face is SO frustrating! Let’s put ourselves in her mother’s shoes: Her daughter said she would go to school and you find out she skipped, was gone all night and her alleged kidnapper was released–She has a right to be worried!  Spencer, don’t be a jerk.

I wonder why they gave Charlie up for adoption? I bet Charlie is Jason’s HUGO!!!!!!!!!!

Sasha Pieterse (Ali) is My Hero

Sasaha Pieterse, the young actress who plays Ali, was body shamed on social medial for her changing figure.

Her answer makes me feel so bad for her!

She said: ‘As a lot of you have noticed my body has gone through some changes, and I want to clear the air and give you an explanation. I have been facing a bad hormone imbalance that has thrown my body completely out of whack. [sic]‘

She should not have to explain herself, her body or her medical history to ANYONE.  The fact that people on social media have decided to shame this YOUNG ACTRESS (she’s 19, people!) is so sickening! She is a beautiful girl and the fact that our weight obsessed society NOTICES weight gain and feels okay expressing it to young actresses is beyond my ability to understand.

I know that this is a soapbox speech on an otherwise lighthearted blog, but I really felt the need to post this.  Her answer is so mature and well thought out while also clearly written by her and not her management team.  She went on to say something so eloquent and well thought out that I will simply end with her quote:

‘Getting healthy isn’t just about working out and eating right (however extremely important) it’s also about surrounding yourself with those who care about you and want to see you succeed and become the best you can be. [sic]“

PLL THEORY-Summer of ANSWERS

A theory has been swirling around the interwebs and I totally buy it!

Bear with me–Charlie is actually WREN!

So we know Charlie was sent away for a reason, right? We’ve never heard of him until now.

So maybe, juuuuust maybe, Charlie was a byproduct of Mr. Dilaurentis’ wandering eyes (and peen) and the Mrs. didn’t like that.  Very Caitlyn Stark of her but Charlie Snow was sent away!

Where was Charlie sent away? Maybe ENGLAND, and maybe he changes his name to Wren.

Oh and this is my personal game, scramble the letters and Wren=Rwen which said out loud sounds like ruin?  Sorta? Eh that was weak.

Anyways, tonight is the SUMMER PREMIERE!

PLL: To Plea or Not to Plea

Allison’s attorney is 10000% a LaToya Jackson impersonator on the weekends!

TAKE THE PLEA, ALLISON! ALWAYS TAKE THE PLEA! Did Adnan Syed teach you NOTHING?!

MELISSAAAAA IS BAAAAACK! Yes! I love having her on the show!

My dream scenario is that Melissa is A and she plots to torture Spencer because Spencer is a skank who steals Melissa’s men. That is how the show should end!

“Sometimes relationships run their course…especially with you, Spencer, you slore-bag-man-stealer!” Obviously I added some colorful language to Melissa’s lines.

Do y’all know what I realized tonight? Emily makes the face below EVERY time she is expressing fear or anxiety which is 99% of the time:

Those are some crazy-ass eyes, Em, cool it or your eyes will get stuck that way!

“Isn’t that what sisters are supposed to do? Share clothes and makeup tips?”- Melissa is too generous, Spencer deserves none of that stuff!

Side note, after a devastating divorce between Paul Wesley from Vampire Diaries and Torrey DeVitto (Melissa), she is back on the dating scene!

“Hannah, I’m your mother, it’s my job to protect you!“–Sorry mom, but you can’t f*ck your way out of every problem in your daughter’s life! Particularly not conspiracy to murder type of problems.

This episode is soooooo slow! I need more dialogue! More action! MORE, I tells ya!

OMG a judge issued a warrant for Hannah’s arrest! Ahhhhhhhh! Hannah is going to go on lam! Ahhhh!

Hannah is going to tell Tanner about A! Do you think Tanner will believe her?  BTW Caleb is an amazing boyfriend and the other girls should try to find someone like him!

Ohhhh so A has magical powers and can hack into EVERYONE’S phones all at once and delete all of their messages from A?  I 10000% don’t buy it!

Ohhhh Aria is giving Ezra the break-up talk? But I thought HE broke up with HER when he told her to go to college and be single and have fun.  This is going to be super awkward….

Whoever A is, it’s someone who wants these girls to suffer long, torturous lives rather than killing them off one-by-one.  So whomever this is it’s someone who is holding a grudge against these teenaged children for something they must have done when the show first started, aka when they were 14-15.  This person is a psychopath who really needs to take a page out of Princess Elsa’s book!

We are two episodes away from the big ReveAl! I am guessing that absolutely nothing will happen!