The Gloves Are On

“We’re here to chill not spill“-Hannah those two things go hand-in-hand, m’dear!

Um Sara is at the spa chillin’, too!

How stupid is Hannah, she deleted the exact recordings that were necessary, now her mom might lose her job and the police are looking into this! Ahhhh! Hannah you are so dumb. For real.

Silver jag? Didn’t Mad Men teach us that Jaguars are shitty cars?

Wait Spencer suddenly has a desire to tell the truth?  ALL she has done for 4 years is LIEEEE and now suddenly she be like “nah i’m good, imma be unnecessarily honest, tnx”

“I know you like to shop out of other people’s carts….maybe you’re more comfortable with lying than you think”-MELISSAAAAAA IS BACK and Spencer just got rekt.

Spencer IS the worst and Melissa knows better than anyone how much Spencer likes other women’s men!

“Ezra there’s some horrifying images”-Aria on the contents of Ezra’s thumb drive. Um. What? Where is this going? Is Ezra a pedo now? How horrifying can the images be?!  ARIA YOU BETTER HAVE SCREENSHOTTED THAT SHIT!

“Ezra likes small women get a grip!“-So are we getting a clue as to those horrifying images….

This is what Aria found on Ezra’s thumbdrive:

“I think you need to relax”-Reporter says this to Spencer, truer words have never been spoken.

“I’ve heard of inner-circles but leaving your daughter out, that’s cold.”-This reporter is my favorite, after Queen Melissa of course!

WHA?! Emily spent ALL THE MONEY her dad left her!? And now Emily is donating her eggs!? SHIT IS HEAVY! Like this is legit stuff people consider when they go broke. Wow. I can’t decide if I am proud of the show for keeping this situation real or disappointed because my expectations are fantasy-level-unrealistic. What’s next, Emily finding out ways to refinance her leftover student loans? Signing up for obamacare?

Lucas is lying a lot for Hannah, despite his poor automotive choice he’s a good guy!

“Honest? You are not asking me to change your grade you are asking me to confess to murder.“-Ezra, changing grades isn’s exactly cool either, bro.

I love that when Ezra yells at the women who intruded into his home accusing him of murder, they act incredibly victimized and scared. Like really, what did y’all expect?

Wait but really, did Ezra just confess to killing Charles/Charlotte or is he saying he’s just happy that she’s dead??!

AHHHHH SPENCER AND CALEB?! NOOOOO! GROSS! NOOOOOO! WHY IS HE CARESSING HER!?!?! MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!

PLL: Charlotte’s Web

Whoa, why is everyone making Aria feel shitty about getting back to work?? Hannah needs to pull back the attitude!

Aria probably did something with Ezra and is trying to flee by making work an excuse.

WAIT EMILY’S DAD DIED!?!?! OH shit! I didn’t realize that! I am guessing it was referenced last episode with that military thing in their window but I did not know what that was.  God I thought previous episodes of this show were dark, but this season is real and dark.

Hannah’s man is British? Ohhhh intrigue! His accent is awful, is this actor american??

Update: He is not British! He’s Australian.

OH I was right, Aria DID sneak out to see Ezra! I knew it! I don’t know why I am so impressed with myself as though I solved the ending of True Detective Season 1, but I am proud of myself!

Did anyone cringe when Allison said grace at the table? Yikes, that was so awkward….

Ohhhhh what did Emily have an appointment for at Hollis? For her pill addiction? Fingers crosseed! The show’s creator said:

“It’s a big part of her storyline. What she’s hiding is definitely her biggest storyline of the season. It’s one big secret tied into two secrets. Two of her secrets are folding into the giant, bigger secret.”

Let me lay out the cards now, I think Emily has diabetes and is trying to hide it from her mom to protect her!

Did Caleb and Spencer hook up?? Or will they? OR BOTH!?

Shit y’all, Ezra is DARK. Between Ezra, Emily’s dad, Emily’s addiction/illness, Charlotte’s murder, and Sara this season is dark AF! What is happening? Do teen girls like this new season? I feel like it’s less relatable than prior seasons.

HANAH deleted evidence before hopping into bed with her Aussie-Not-British-Beau! I mean I guess it’s not evidence yet but it will be! That was cute when you were 17 Hannah, but you’re 22 now so you really, really need to think about the consequences of your actions (getting charged as an adult will suck a lot more than as a minor).

OMG MELISSA IS BACK NEXT EPISODE! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Melissa is my fav! Spencer is the worst and I cannot wait to have her back to give it to Spencer for totally boning (or trying to bone) Caleb!

 

Of Late I Think of Rosewood

I’m behind as usual (hey, I run on Persian Standard Time) but here I am with a new episode of PLL!

We fast forwarded 5 years and Alli is a teacher. Spencer is rockin some cringe-worthy bangs, Aria is a published author, Emily is a bartender and Hannah is traveling? Unclear in the first few moments.

Charlotte may get released?! Looking back, I’m trying to remember who killed that cute cop in the Halloween special a couple of years ago?  Basically what is Charlotte on the hook for and what was left unsolved?

Reunion montage ensues!

Spencer’s bangs…girl, I relate, I can’t pull em off, grow them suckers out!

CHAD LOWE IS BACK!! Yayyy! 

A quick imdb.com search of Ezra brought up this awkward profile picture:

 
I’m not sure what “Addiction” is buy I’m pretty sure no one wants to see Ezra as a “pornographer”….

Toby on his relationship with Caleb: “we went fishing last summer.” 

Toby, was that worth mentioning? Was that small detail SO noteworthy that you had to make sure Spencer knew that once, last summer you and Caleb participated in a listless pastime? Cool story, bro.

“We’re not on the playground anymore, Allison. We haven’t been for a long time.” Damn, Spencer, did you get that harsh haircut to match your personality? We’re barely 20 minutes in and she’s already being…well, herself.

Charlotte was released?!  Call me crazy (pun very much intended and laughter expected) but this sentence had no purpose but to deliver that bad pun. 

Omg the scene of them drinking at the bar is so freaking awkward!! They’re drinking martinis and manhattans, acting like 15-year olds who THINK this is how grown up women hang out. Like “Ohhh lemme stir dis drank with mah drink stirrer and poke at dis olive in mah glass! Giggle and flip hair! Teehee!” 

What disease does Emily have?? She’s taking pills but also has syringes in her bag. Diabetes? Or something nefarious like heroin addiction?!?

WHOA CHARLOTTE COMMITTED SUICIDE?! I genuinely wasn’t expecting that, wow. That’s dark.

ARE SPENCER AND CALEB DATING?!!! SO HELP ME KABBAL-MONSTER IF SPENCER IS DATING HIM BEHIND HANNAHS BACK I WILL FESTER SILENTLY AND POWERLESSLY.

So this episode did a good job of making viewers care after this whole A-situation was done.

After the episode the wrap up said “brought to you by Freeform, the new name for ABC Family.”  Apparently this change happened start of 2016 “marks a continued effort to evolve the young-skewing network past traditional family viewing and toward its target audience of “Becomers,” a network-coined term defined as those in the life stage spanning ages 14 to 34.” Interesting….

Until next week, ✌🏽

Liars Star Called Fat

No, the headline is not a typo.

Ashley Benson, an impossibly tiny actress at a size two, was turned down for a role because she was told she is”too fat”.

‘I was just told I was too fat for a part,’ she told the magazine. ‘I’m a size two! I cried for 30 minutes, but then you have to let it roll off your shoulders or it could cause a serious eating disorder.‘

What director/casting agent had the terrible eyesight to mistake a size two as too fat for anything on this planet except for the role of the Cryptkeeper?

I know you guys find it annoying (yes, I read your PMs) when I talk about body image for women in America but this just blows my mind.

This is a body that 99.99% of women would kill for and someone called her “too fat”.

Earlier this year the actress who plays Alli on the hit ABC Family show had to defend herself against internet bullies who mocked her weight gain.

According to the NIH over two-thirds (68.8 percent) of adults are considered to be overweight or obese and more than one-third (35.7 percent) of adults are considered to be obese.

We can pretend that the person who called Ashley Benson “too fat” was in fact even thinner and somehow prettier (which, being thinner would not make her) but likely this was just some other troll who took out their insecurities on this young actress.

Can we all just agree on one thing? Not one of us is prettier, more fit or more well put together than any of these actresses because it’s not our job.

These girls have to exercise and eat well to look attractive because that is what they are paid to do. Not only can we not compare ourselves to them, we cannot judge them.  We cannot say that they should be thinner with bigger boobs or a smaller waist or any other crazy expectation.  Let’s just accept them as they are and let them do our jobs while we do ours–watching TV.

Sorry for my rant but I will continue to get angry as long as this ludicrousness continues to happen! If you want me to shut up, change the conversation….