PLL-Ehhhhh

“I know why he joined the police force-I encouraged him”-Um Spencer, you most certainly did not! Did you forget when you told him “You cant up and be a cop!“   Oh, you don’t remember?  Good thing I do and good thing I documented it! You 10000% discouraged him!

 

“That’s pretty passive aggressive”-Spencer says about Hollbrook being back in town. I sometimes wonder if people know what passive aggressive means.  A detective coming back to town is not passive at all, and if it’s at all aggressive it’s just that, no passivity there.  Sorry, Spencer, but yet again, you are wrong!  I don;t know why I am on a big anti-Spencer kick today…..

This new guy is a CREEP! Does anyone else feel like he’s sporting a comb over that producers are using to make him look young and hip when he’s secretly 43??  Look at this guy’s face and hair! He’s definitely over 40!

Spencer is so fucking bossy, YOU go talk to Leslie b*tch! Quit telling Hannah what to do!

Spencer is sitting there bossing Hannah around, telling Aria what to do, and b*tching  about how she’s so annoyed that she got into a bunch of colleges, boo freaking hoo! I really dislike Spencer, the writers have made her the least likable character on this show.  How are we supposed to feel bad for a girl who comes from money, gets what she wants and gets into a bunch of awesome colleges while her friends’ lives are falling apart?

“Most girls have trouble keeping two thgouhts in their mind at the same time, but Mona was thinking every second”—WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT THE F*CK!?!?!? This Leslie chick is straight up sexist and that comment is insulting! It makes me think of Leslie Knope’s hunting snafu.

“How does anybody get together with anybody?”–Deep thoughts brought to you by Emily.

So this creepy new guy…let’s call him Father Time. Father Time created this machine that lets you listen in on conversations across the coffeeshop.  How much shall we bet that A will use this device to 1. listen to the girls or 2. mess with them?

Father Time: “If you were really impressed you’d buy me coffee…” Spencer giggles coquettishly. That is NOT okay! This guy just got paid by Ezra (he said $200) and he’s living in their family’s carriage house and he’s asking HER to buy HIM coffee?  IS CHIVALRY SO DEAD THAT MEN NO LONGER AT LEAST PRETEND TO SPLIT THE BILL?!?!?

Is Aria’s brother threatening to kill her?? “Be careful going home through the woods,” he says in a tone that tells the view he is not at all concerned about her safety!

“Barking up the wrong henchman”- Mixing metaphors there, Hannah!

Pretty Little Liars: Bin of Sin

So these girls are assuming that Mona’s body is in that barrel, hmm? I mean, I know this is Pretty Little Liars and it can dark but if that’s true, that’s 1. a rip off from Breaking Bad and 2. DARK! Like, REALLY DARK!

Wait, Caleb’s alibi for Hannah is dismissed as “they’ll just think you’re lying”?  If I have learned anything from Serial it’s that one witness can do anything and everything in a murder case!  That was just the writers backtracking and hoping the viewers just believe it.

This new chick is into Ezra! She made him pecan pie! And left a note on it! I can’t decide if she’s into Ezra, Emily or if she has a really poor sense of boundaries.

“You have been a cop for all of 6 minutes and you have the nerve to investigate your superior?” YES! Finally, someone putting these kids in their place!

Aria is showing Ezra her letter! As her elder I would hope that Ezra would be mature and understand why Aria wrote that letter and that her future matters. But this is a show based on nonsense with a need for dramatic arcs so this will just be one of them!

WAIT, CALEB isn’t going to help Hannah?! He’s a former wild-child-criminal, he knows what to do!!!!

Whoaaaa, Hannah knows her criminal lingo! She even uses the term “burner phone“!

You know what I love about this show, by the way? That when I DVR it, it’s an hour but when I fast forward commercials it’s only about 35 minutes!  It’s great!

Soooo, after a one-night stand Jason wants to DATE Hannah’s mom? He’s asking why she doesn’t wear an engagement ring and questioning her relationship! Dang homie, cool it, k?  You had relations with Hannah’s mom, so has every of-age man in Rosewood! You’re NOT SPECIAL JASON!

Toby as a cop is kinda dick, yo….I don’t like it! And I didn’t know I could dislike Toby more!

I am not sure where Emily and Spencer are, underground somewhere? Under the storage place, but why? As I often do, I tuned out….But the director made a point of zooming in on Freeze Dried Almonds…ominous almonds! Oh no!

Oh wait, their voices aren’t coming from above, they are coming from the same room! A left them a free tablet! Cool! Thanks, A!

So last week Caleb was almost burned to death and this week Aria and Spencer almost freeze to death?  I think A has a thing for extreme temperatures, maybe he/she is aroused by it? Who knows with A…..I now imagine A as some middle-aged man, a millionaire from creating his own video game, sitting at a computer fapping away at his these tricks he plays on teen girls…

Ezra:  “I remember how excited I was to go to [college]…the letter…rang true for a reason”

Aria: “Yeah, because I’m a good writer.”

Ezra: ——AWKWARD SILENCE——

Yo, ARIA, YOU GOT BURNNNNNNNED!

Soooo Ezra NOW wants to break up with Aria so that she can have a “real college experience”?  It sounds to me like he wants a new, younger, more illegal model….like another freshman in high school.

I think this girl at the coffeeshop is going to hit Emily….she’s weird, stares too much without blinking, cooking for Emily, etc…

Ahhhh so the new girl is into Emily! They kind of look alike, right?

Spencer and Toby are probably going to break up, guys….She thinks her little posse of friends>his career…smh high school kids, first her then Aria? Time for PLL: The College Years!

Pretty Little Liars: Over A Barrel

Do these girls go to school?  Maybe the reason Aria didn’t get into college is because these girls are always at coffeeshops or trying to solve murder mysteries!  GO STUDY! Do something related to your academics!

Where is this coffeeshop that coffee is only FIFTY CENTS?!  Is it 1991 again!?  I want coffee shops to only charge 50 cents!

Okay, the register printing Aria’s letter? I mean, are we even going to discuss this? Or should we just file this in the “stupid things that would never happen” folder a la Days of Our Lives when Marlena was possessed by the devil.

Wait the chick that Ezra hired to cater his party is now working at Emily’s coffeeshop?!?! Or did Ezra buy the entire coffeeshop and I missed it because apparently he owns it now?

Johnny is going to live in the barn and he pays his rent in coins….cool…he also looks like a character from Buffy circa 1998 with that short sleeved plaid shirt over his long sleeved shirt.

Also, the new tenant says to Spencer “So your boyfriends a cop?” and she replied “Yeah…he wasn’t always….”

Huh? Of course he wasn’t always a cop, no one was “always” their professional career…was that worth saying? That was such an awkward way to end the scene! Spencer says that, shoves her hands into her pocket and the scene lasts another second or two, then cuts abruptly.

Pastor Ted is back and has to meet with Hannah? Ohhhh is she going to tell on her mom for sleeping with Jason DiLaurentis?!

Jason looks creepy/weird as hell with a beard….what is going on with his facial hair??!

“You’re talking about 1017 aren’t you, that smell, ugh! They ought to do something about it, it’s really unsanitary!” That is the writers’ way of weaving a random 3rd party, Mrs. Horowitz, to tell Spencer that basically there’s a dead body in that unit.

#WhatsInTheBarrel just flashed on the screen! I have seen enough Breaking Bad to know what a yellow suit and a barrel mean! DEAD BODY IN ACID IS WHAT IT MEANS!

“So she’s either pickled or dissolved?” Caleb asks…..I don’t know about you guys but I am a very visual person and maybe it’s because I am battling a stomach bug but I gagged a LOT when he said that….barf….AHHH now I can’t get the image of pickled Mona out of my head!!!!!!!!!!!! THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS, THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CHOCOLATE BROWNIES AND PIZZA AND 30 ROCK RERUNSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Hannah’s mom is kind of a hoe…no judgement but dating a pastor and cheating with your daughter’s friend? Hoe, fo sho.

So we see Aria’s contact card with Ezra’s name and number….

Who else out there called that number?  Just me? K, cool, just so you know it’s an ATT directory service number, nothing exciting haha!