PLL: No Stones Unturned

ZOMG, Leslie’s last name is Stone….the title…get it? GET IT!?!? THIS SHOW IS SOOOOO METAAAAAAA…

Hannah is still being mean to Caleb, passive aggressive really. Her attitude is actually the only realistic-teenaged thing about this show! It’s…refreshing!

Hannah’s flirtatiousness is extremely endearing but also EXTREMELY SEXIST–“Thank god one of us has a brain!” With a self deprecating giggle? Really? There are other ways to flirt without discounting your own intelligence!  Buuut given who her mother is, I am not surprised.

This Australian girl is pretty but a REALLY bad actress–I’m not buying what she’s selling. UNLESS, she’s intentionally bad because she’s lying to Ezra to throw him off because SHE’S really A?

Just kidding, Charles is definitely alive and A.

Wow between Sarah and the Aussie, Emily is basically the Joey Tribbiani of this show–you’re probably too young who know who that is, but the kids of the 90s remember him well!

DA FUQ–THEY WERE MICROCHIPPED LIKE DOGS?!  That’s messed up, even for this show. That explains how A always knows where they are but A must be a BILLIONAIRE. A bored billionaire.

FEIGNED SURPRISE: Omg Charles ISN’T dead?! No one expected that…..

PLL: She’s No Angel

We open with a strange girl who is filthy and in some sort of basement performing ballet that is very reminiscent of Sia’s music video for Elastic Heart. VERY similar dance. I wonder if it’s the same dancer. 

UPDATE: I was right! It is her!!!! It’s Maddie Ziegler!!

OMG Spencer’s open mouthed chewing is SO GROSS! Maybe it’s my mysophonia but that brief exaggerating chewing intended to show us how anxious Spencer is was the worst 10 seconds of TV!

“My mom just got back from Curves“–Spencer’s mom works out a gym that super popular in the late 90s?!!

Okay Sara is totally fake-talking on the phone! I don’t buy it! Her parents are probably dead!

Ew Spencer talking about/implying her horny teenaged sex with Toby is creepy.  The writers are telling us she’s on a stimulant (adderall or something), but don’t those drugs make you LOSE your appetite? Or is it the weed she bought? 

This show needs to STOP with the May/December romances. Hell, the May 1982/December 1996 romances! Lorenzo is clearly MUCH older than Ali and, I know I sound like a broken record but, ITS CREEPY! No more! Please, ABC Family! Just give us more age-appropriate love interests!

Why is Emily SO hell bent on protecting Sara over Aria?! Her obsession with helping Sara is clouding her judgement!

Why doesn’t Aria just ask to borrow the picture because she thinks she knows the person in it rather than steal ALL of Clark’s work?!!

Oh wait are those weed-cookies?? Is that why she wouldn’t share with Hannah? I’m so confused about the significance of these freaking cookies! 

Update: I looked at Twitter and those cookies are in fact weed cookies. And she left them with another recovering addict to throw away for her, thereby tempting him instead of herself! How selfish!

Is it just me or did makeup use too much brow filler on Emily:

  
EMILY DO NOT BE THE STEREOTYPE AND GET A JAPANESE TATTOO! Haven’t you ever seen the buzzfeed on exactly that?!

Sara is like an anxious little squirrel! Emily needs to let her go!

WHY IS EVERYONE ACCEPTING CHARLES AS DEAD?! They all thought Allison was dead for YEARS, then Mona and now Charles?! Y’all know he’s not dead, right?!!

The ending scene of A brushing a wig on a tennis ball is supposed to be eerie but it’s HILARIOUS:

  

PLL: Don’t Look Now

Wait MEGA PLOT HOLE FROM THE START- how did the DeLaurentis family moved here after Alli was one when Alli’s mom had an affair that created her older brother Jason??

“I noticed you’ve been taking pictures the last couple of days”–Chad Lowe, c’mon, you are NEVER HOME!

“When my mom said you could spend the night she meant sleep“–No, Hannah, you’ve met your mom. She meant you should do other things!

In Spencer’s flashback she’s clutching her body covered in blood–they were in the bunker for 3+ weeks, makes sense that they incorporate some reality into the show, menstrual cycles and all.

WAIT SPENCER IS STRAIGHT UP DUMPSTER DIVING.

For such a smart girl, Spencer is NOT practicing good dumpster diving hygiene!

OMG, wait the two people that could help (Allison’s great aunt and mom) are dead–SEANCE TIME!

Aria lying to her dad and feeling entitled to do so is SO FRUSTRATING–can she not imagine what he went through?! Her parents thought she was dead!!! DEAD! This is not the time to be angsty-teen!

Why are they cutting the scene with Chad scolding Aria, Toby scolding Hannah and Emily’s mom just chatting about weird-o Sara together as though they are all connected??!?!!

They straight up lied to Jason and told him he hallucinated his BROTHER! HIS BROTHER! THAT IS BAD PARENTING! NO WONDER HE WAS DOING DRUGS! HE HAD TO DROWN OUT THE MEMORIES!

Ohhhhh the editor got LAZY! Look at this poor photo-shopping of childhood Allison and Jason:

OMG I love this note Charlie left Aria: “You’re my doll, bitch”-it sounds endearing and kitschy! Like #bitcheslovedolls or something!

I knew producers would work Aria’s real-life-haircut into the storyline!

I love Emily’s 90’s grunge look! Look at her versus Rayanne from My So Called Life! Basically twins #blessed

What if the tombstone is a symbol and sure, it’s been there a long time, but THEY NEED TO DIG UP THE BODY to PROVE IT’S HIM!  Why are they stopping Hannah?  WE NEED DENTAL RECORDS!

Are Sara and Emily going to kiss?!

Did Hannah and Caleb just break up!? AHHHHHH! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

WAIT-Charlie was put in Radley because Alli’s negligent dad left her alone upstairs as an 11 month old while he went outside to grill. That;s what I heard.

PLL: Songs of Experience

Wait MEGA PLOT HOLE FROM THE START- how did the DeLaurentis family moved here after Alli was one when Alli’s mom had an affair that created her older brother Jason??

Has anyone else noticed that both Aria and Hannah got lobs this season? I wonder how production felt about that….remember Jessica Biel and the 7th Heaven haircut that production/writers had to turn into a storyline because it was so drastic? Or FELICITY? No? Oh that’s right, because you were born in 1996 unlike me….

EMILY HAS A BURNER PHONE!? What high school student on earth, particularly one whose parents BOTH work for the government (remember her mom works/ed for the police department) can afford to buy BURNERS?!

“Did you think I looked feral?” Sara asks Emily. LookED?! YOU LOOK FERAL!

Wait now Emily is making french toast for this new girl who has bunked with her against her will!

I love that the show is making a clear and concerted effort to make Ezra look younger! I wonder if this has anything to do with that time Lucy Hale went on TV saying the “Ezria” thing creeped her out….

  
“Unmess him up“? Really, Spencer? I bet if Hannah said that you’d admonish her!

Ezra is being SO CREEPY this episode! Now he’s impersonating a doctor?! He also asks the person on the phone for the person’s name, DOB, and SSN.  The fact that this EDUCATOR does not know that hospitals cannot just give out information of any patient

“Are those boys all from church?“–This quote. I will just let you laugh this one out.

Lorenzo is saying that Allison should be a soccer coach based on her passing a ball wearing a wedge??

Emily and her mom’s banter is making Sara jealous. If only Sara had seen them last episode fighting over Emily’s usage of firearms….

There’s some WEIRD sexual tension between Jason and Spencer…am I the only thing sensing this?!

WHO IS MISTER BISCUIT!?

ANDREW WAS RELEASED?! I’m sorry but the DA chose not to charge him because he had alibis for 2 of the DOZENS of incidents (including being at the scene when the girls were found, police tracing everything back to his truck, desire for getting the girls back in his manifesto, etc)?! THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE!

“Other towns have nice toxic dumps. Rosewood has you.”-Andrew what is a NICE toxic dump? Is this in contract to a BAD toxic dump?

“That’s what Charles wanted us to know–that there was a point where we would [hurt each other].“-Deep story, Spencer, but what does this mean for you guys? Will Charlies stop now because you came to that oh-so-wise conclusion? Prolly not, k?

Sara’s haircut is very Some Kind of Wonderful! I love it!

Spencer throwing her suffering in her concerned mother’s face is SO frustrating! Let’s put ourselves in her mother’s shoes: Her daughter said she would go to school and you find out she skipped, was gone all night and her alleged kidnapper was released–She has a right to be worried!  Spencer, don’t be a jerk.

I wonder why they gave Charlie up for adoption? I bet Charlie is Jason’s HUGO!!!!!!!!!!

Has anyone else noticed that both Aria and Hannah got lobs this season? I wonder how production felt about that….remember Jessica Biel and the 7th Heaven haircut that production/writers had to turn into a storyline because it was so drastic? Or FELICITY? No? Oh that’s right, because you were born in 1996 unlike me….

EMILY HAS A BURNER PHONE!? What high school student on earth, particularly one whose parents BOTH work for the government (remember her mom works/ed for the police department) can afford to buy BURNERS?!

“Did you think I looked feral?” Sara asks Emily. LookED?! YOU LOOK FERAL!

Wait now Emily is making french toast for this new girl who has bunked with her against her will!

I love that the show is making a clear and concerted effort to make Ezra look younger! I wonder if this has anything to do with that time Lucy Hale went on TV saying the “Ezria” thing creeped her out….

  
“Unmess him up“? Really, Spencer? I bet if Hannah said that you’d admonish her!

Ezra is being SO CREEPY this episode! Now he’s impersonating a doctor?! He also asks the person on the phone for the person’s name, DOB, and SSN.  The fact that this EDUCATOR does not know that hospitals cannot just give out information of any patient

“Are those boys all from church?“–This quote. I will just let you laugh this one out.

Lorenzo is saying that Allison should be a soccer coach based on her passing a ball wearing a wedge??

Emily and her mom’s banter is making Sara jealous. If only Sara had seen them last episode fighting over Emily’s usage of firearms….

There’s some WEIRD sexual tension between Jason and Spencer…am I the only thing sensing this?!

WHO IS MISTER BISCUIT!?

ANDREW WAS RELEASED?! I’m sorry but the DA chose not to charge him because he had alibis for 2 of the DOZENS of incidents (including being at the scene when the girls were found, police tracing everything back to his truck, desire for getting the girls back in his manifesto, etc)?! THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE!

“Other towns have nice toxic dumps. Rosewood has you.”-Andrew what is a NICE toxic dump? Is this in contract to a BAD toxic dump?

“That’s what Charles wanted us to know–that there was a point where we would [hurt each other].“-Deep story, Spencer, but what does this mean for you guys? Will Charlies stop now because you came to that oh-so-wise conclusion? Prolly not, k?

Sara’s haircut is very Some Kind of Wonderful! I love it!

Spencer throwing her suffering in her concerned mother’s face is SO frustrating! Let’s put ourselves in her mother’s shoes: Her daughter said she would go to school and you find out she skipped, was gone all night and her alleged kidnapper was released–She has a right to be worried!  Spencer, don’t be a jerk.

I wonder why they gave Charlie up for adoption? I bet Charlie is Jason’s HUGO!!!!!!!!!!

PLL-Game On, Charles

Yesterday should have been the day I posted this, but I am traveling for work and I mixed up my time zones so I missed the airing 2 nights ago.  Still on a work trip and in a rental car, I spent the better part of last night lost trying to find my way back to the hotel.  So now I am FINALLY POSTING a BELATED RECAP to the SUMMER PREMIERE!  Why was that in call caps? I don’t know! I know nothing, Social Snow.

At the top we start with a press conference starring Ali begging for privacy.  Did the reporter just say FOURTEEN girls???! Did A steal more?! DID I MISS SOMETHING?!

A few things off the bat struck me.  When Hannah uses the word “facetiously” Emily says “Wow Hannah, that’s an eleven letter word”.

I must be missing something because 1) that’s a really unnecessary and snide comment to make when you’ve been in this man-made prison for 3 weeks! 2) Emily’s math is NOT that good! I don’t buy it!

During the scene where the girls wake up undressed I hope you all were as creeped out as I was because WHO THE FRACK UNDRESSED THEM!? The girls seemed unperturbed by their lack of clothes and simply checked their bodies for wounds evidencing organ harvesting.  They were not concerned at all about Charlie’s Josh Duggaresque actions!

I want to know what the girls see when they go into their own rooms.  From looks on their faces and their reactions, the witnessed something graphically disturbing.  Maybe they saw their parents….nope, not gonna think about it! Moving on…..

ANDREW CAMPBELL is the prime suspect?!  Remember last season when I said he might be A? Oh you don’t remember? Good thing I hyperlinked it HERE FOR YOU! I called it! #PWNED

I don’t know who I just owned by predicting something so predictable but it felt good to say it. Now the question is, if he IS A, is he really Charlie or is he working WITH Charlie? Or is he fronting the money?

OMG THESE GIRLS ARE SO DUMB! SO MANY idiotic things happen that make me think they really have no sense of self preservation!

So they get into Charlie’s lab and instead of looking for internet access, phone, landline something to signal for help, they decide burning his stuff in the enclosed space in which they are standing would be a good idea. Nevermind, the carbon monoxide! Screw suffocation! Let’s “mess” with Charlie! Then Emily, realizing Charlie didn’t care, was like “let’s throw a blanket on the fire!”

Emily, you should have thought of that before! Between your letter counting off the top of your head, your college acceptances, and your killer dance moves,  you should be the one to stop the girls from doing stupid things. Or dance your way out!

At this point in the episode I’m waiting for them to die.  THEN Spencer holds a doll up to the camera and says “Give us Mona back!”

GIVE US MONA BACK!? You finally have a tool to bribe your captor, the one who has control of your life and you use it to ask him to BRING ANOTHER CAPTIVE BACK!? Why not ask for your freedom?!! ASK FOR YOUR FREEDOM YOU STUPID GIRLS!

This other person in the dungeon, we later find out is Sarah Harvey, I was convinced it was Charlie in a wig….whoops!

The ending was surprisingly revealing! We got to see the girls reconnected with their significant others and Mona…stand alone awkwardly!  So is it safe to assume that Aria and Andrew are over? Probably not, remember when we thought Ezra was A and then they got back together? Yeah, with this show ANYTHING can happen!

UPDATE:  I was not the only one who heard “fourteen” instead of “four teen girls”! Apparently this was something a lot of people heard but rest assured, she said FOUR teen girls.

PLL THEORY-Summer of ANSWERS

A theory has been swirling around the interwebs and I totally buy it!

Bear with me–Charlie is actually WREN!

So we know Charlie was sent away for a reason, right? We’ve never heard of him until now.

So maybe, juuuuust maybe, Charlie was a byproduct of Mr. Dilaurentis’ wandering eyes (and peen) and the Mrs. didn’t like that.  Very Caitlyn Stark of her but Charlie Snow was sent away!

Where was Charlie sent away? Maybe ENGLAND, and maybe he changes his name to Wren.

Oh and this is my personal game, scramble the letters and Wren=Rwen which said out loud sounds like ruin?  Sorta? Eh that was weak.

Anyways, tonight is the SUMMER PREMIERE!