Teen Wolf Season 1 Episode 1

I am starting this entry with an issue. I know, I already have an issue with the show and I haven’t even seen it yet.

Here is the netflix summary:

When an animal bite turns a high schooler into a werewolf, he suddenly becomes a star athlete and a chick magnet but also faces a new set of problems.

Right off the bat, once the protagonist becomes a “star athlete” and “chick magnet” I don’t care WHAT his problems are! High school was the worst so anything that makes it remotely easier is a win, no matter what. Especially when that “new set of problems” means becoming something awesome, unique and mystical.
Now let’s watch!
1. Right off the bat I have more issues!
HE IS NOT A WOLF YET SO THERE ARE NO EXCUSES FOR A FILTHY SINK LIKE THIS! GET IT TOGETHER BOY!

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2. “There are no wolves in California??”  REALLY?!

I THINK THIS WEBSITE WOULD DISAGREE!

3. We were just introduced to Allison Argent, the new girl!

The protagonist (no, I don’t know his name yet) is crushing.

This actress keeps pursing her lips a-la Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, it’s pissing me off!

Oh, and a little French Lesson–Argent in French means MONEY! ALLISON MONEY!

4. The main character is named Scott.  Sorry, it’s just such a generic name that I tuned it out.

5. “Maybe the killer moved the body”

I hope he left my inhaler, those things are like, eighty bucks” -Scott, I get it, I have asthma, too.

But you also saw the dead, mangled body of a teenaged girl.  Maybe get your priorities straight?

Nah, I’m kidding, albuterol is expensive!

6. Apparently young, Lycan-Scott works in a vet’s office.  Was this IRONY by the writers?

The boy will become his own patient!

7. HA! He made a joke about the dog his crush hit with her car being litigious! Cute, Scott.

8. OH SWEET F*CKING CHRIST ALMIGHTY, the old, “eyelash on the cheek” shit?! ARE YOU FOR REAL, TEEN WOLF!?!?

HAVEN’T WE HAD ENOUGH OF THAT MOVE IN FILM AND TELEVISION?!

9.  Question for the writers: how does he sleep when he can hear EVERYTHING??

I mean, if the whistle in lacrosse deafened him then EVERY, SINGLE SOUND would be excruciating, no?

10. I love the lingo!  His lacrosse competitor asks him “where’d you get your juice?”

That’s slang for steroids, guys!

11. In the coach’s pep talk he says “everything else is cream cheese” to refer to things that don’t matter.

Um, coach? I am lactose intolerant but I WHOLEHEARTEDLY MISINTERPRETED THAT.

CREAM CHEESE IS F*CKING DELICIOUS. If by, “everything else is cream cheese” you mean, “everything else is delicious, creamy, heaven in your mouth”, then yes, yes we agree.

12. His best friend is trying to tell him that he is in fact a werewolf.  He says, “you’re cursed, man”.

I get his intent, but that is a BAD way of conveying your message, bro.

13. The woman who plays his mom is super young!  She gets all mad when Scott mentions “the sex talk” saying, “I am not going to be on a teen reality show” (presumably referencing Teen Mom).

But if you do the math, she would have had to give birth to him when she was 18.

Pot and Kettle, Mother, Pot and Kettle!

14. WAIT, he can talk and speak perfectly as a werewolf??

How? What? If he can speak then can’t he be reasoned with?

15. OMG THERE IS A SUPER HOT WEREWOLF HUNTER!

16. “The bite is a gift” Says Scott’s biter.

I kind of agree with the guy.  He has superhuman strength, heightened senses, and can use his tools now for working at the vet!  What not to love?

 

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